abirumania

what is a missionary?

2011-11-21T18:45:00.000+02:00

long time no see, eh? sorry about that. instead of try to capture what has happened, i want to share two quotes that struck me recently. i am visiting another InnerChange team, and have the privilege of joining their team rhythms for a couple of weeks, including reading a book together. since i have a bit of extra time on my hands, i read the whole book (it's around 150 pages) .. and these two quotes really stood out to me. the book is called Christianity Rediscovered by Vincent J. Donavan -- and well worth a read. both of these struck me as right and true. i'd be interested to hear your thoughts (if anybody is still reading this.. :)

"It is a cleansing and humbling thought to see your whole life and work reduced to being simply a channel of hope, and yourself merely a herald of hope, for those who do not have it." (page 143)

"I think ratherit might be put this way: a missionary is essentially a socialmartyr, cut off from his roots, his stock, his blood, his land, hisbackground, his culture. He is destined to walk forever a stranger ina strange land. He must be stripped as naked as a human being can be,down to the very texture of his being. St. Paul said Christ did notthink being God was something to be clung to, but emptied himselftaking the form of a slave. He was stripped to the fiber of hisbeing, to the innermost part of his spirit. That is the truestmeaning of poverty of spirit. This poverty of spirit is what iscalled for in a missionary, demanding that he divest himself of hisvery culture, so that he can be a naked instrument of the gospel tothe cultures of the world." (p144)

packages of books

2011-08-29T07:47:00.000+03:00

at the moment, i am preparing to move overseas. for the second time. and it takes a lot of work and preparation! it means paring down what i own .. trying to look realistically at what i have, what i actually use, what i need, and what i can give away to people who will actually use it. and, as always .. i have 'rediscovered' that books are heavy! especially if you have a lot of them. with two colleagues who left the country before me, i had quite the little library. well over half of those books have now been given away. probably more like two thirds. and mostly, i have been glad to share!

but the books that i wanted to keep .. how to get them across the ocean? last week i went to send a small package of books in a shoebox, and was told that it would be rather expensive. when i asked if there was another way to send books, the worker at the post office said that there was another option. if the package is under 2 kilograms, they can do the slower, more inexpensive version. so i bought a couple of large padded envelopes, filled them with books, and began. in the last 10 days, i have been to the post office 4 times, each time sending between 2 and 4 packages. in the process, i have become a familiar face to all of the workers in the office (it's not a big office .. 7 people work there, i believe), and have been able to tell them why i came to romania and that it is a beautiful country with good people. sometimes romanians need to hear this .. to be encouraged!

all told.. i sent just over 48 lbs of books for just under $95. basically .. two dollars a pound. which is a fantastic price! and it certainly makes packing easier .. hopefully it is now possible for my suitcases to be underweight and not overweight! now, comes the waiting .. hoping that all the packages do actually arrive. this makes me smile .. hopefully it makes you smile too!

in season!

2011-07-08T18:10:00.000+03:00

a few days ago i went to the farmer's market, which is about a ten-minute walk from my house. and i was so excited to see all the fresh produce available .. so many colors! mounds of fruit and vegetables giving off heady odors of summer. after wandering through to see what was available and what the various prices were, i stopped at a stand to get tomatoes and cucumbers. they are in season! which means that i got 1 kilo of each (2.2 lbs each) for just over $1. sweet!!

that night i thought i would have one friend over for dinner, but it turned out to be two friends, so we ate fresh cucumber and tomato salad with grilled cheese sandwiches. so tasty! and a gift to be able to share with friends, and have a nice conversation around the table. i become more and more convinced that the food can be quite simple .. but it is the relationships and people sitting around the table that matter! sometimes i like to make things a bit more complicated or that take a bit more time .. but mostly the conversation and being able to simply be present with those in my home is what i enjoy. and sometimes .. simple foods, like two fresh vegetables chopped and eaten together, is perfect!

the end of the birds

2011-06-30T22:01:00.000+03:00

a month ago i wrote about the birds who had made their nest just outside my window. at few weeks ago, the 'baby bird' which had grown quickly into a regular-sized bird, began moving his wings a bit. one afternoon, i was making coffee with a friend and we watched him hop up to the top of the metal window box, flex his wings a few times, and then fly away. and he hasn't been back since!

but i have been grateful to see the nest there each day. a nice reminder. and sometimes other birds come to investigate, so i get to enjoy their curious chirping as they wander around and look in the window. sometimes they even try the nest on for size, hoping into the middle of it and turning around and then settling down for a few seconds. one of my favorite moments was when one small bird had been hanging out while i was fixing lunch. i looked over, and i saw that he was scratching his ear! this is a movement i've often seen among dogs. and once, i saw a cow scratch her ear with her hind leg. but seeing a young bird reach up with his foot and scratch his ear put a big grin on my face. there truly are so many things in which we can take delight .. if only we pay attention!

feeding time..

2011-05-29T10:49:00.000+03:00

this morning, while i was fixing breakfast and waiting for my french press coffee to be ready, i had a few minutes to look out the window. and my timing was a gift! i saw one pigeon fly up, and greet the one sitting on the nest. then the fresh one came close and they did a quick switcheroo. the one who had been sitting on the nest flew off to eat something tasty, and the other proceeded to share a bit of food with the young pigeon sitting underneath him! it didn't last very long, but i got to see what baby pigeons look like .. with fluff that is yellow and black, and a hungry beak! not sure how long this stage of life lasts for them, but i'm still amazed that they set up house just outside my window!

two visitors..

2011-05-11T15:15:00.000+03:00

yesterday morning i went into the kitchen to make my coffee and grab some cereal and yogurt and banana. i heard a couple of pigeons outside and looked out the window to see if they were still there -- they usually fly away when i get closer. but .. outside my window i have a metal window box, or something like that. i could put a couple of flowerpots in it and grow flowers.

but one of the birds didn't fly away. she starred at me intently .. but then went about her business. i looked closer to see what she was doing, and realized that she had a bunch of sticks underneath her. what?! as i continued to watch, amazed, her partner brought back another stick, handed it over, and flew off again. apparently they have decided that this a good place to build a nest.

yesterday afternoon when i made a cup of tea, i meandered slowly over to the window (not wanting to make any sudden movements so the birds flew away). and there were no birds .. only the beginning of a nest. but this morning, she was back again! at work making things nice and comfy. don't know if they will actually decide to stay here, but even the thought of it is making me smile.

so amazing, the way that life is visible - even in strange places! sometimes i miss the obvious grandeur and beauty of the mountains where i grew up. but i know that God is at work in all places, and that He makes beautiful things in all places! sometimes it just takes a bit more looking or adjusting to see them. so today i am grateful for this unexpected and delightful presence outside my window.

funny conversation

2011-04-19T20:26:00.000+03:00

so, i thought i'd start off simply.
just a conversation that made me laugh.
better that than nothing, right?

a few days ago i took a seven-hour train ride that began at 6 in the morning. across the aisle from me there was a couple who had just finished an overnight train ride, and to finish their journey had another five hours on the train. so they were really tired. like about half of those on the train, they fell asleep. each having two seats to stretch out a little, with a small table between them. at one point, the wife woke up, looked around and decided to wake her husband up. their conversation went something like this..

johnny. johnny!
hmm .. what happened?
what time is it?
well, where is the cell phone?
in my pocket.
what do you want me to do about it?
well, i'm too tired to reach down and get it.
can you reach across the table,
reach in my pocket,
and tell me what time it is?

i'm not sure what else was said, but nobody pulled the cell phone out to find out what time it was. and shortly thereafter, they were asleep again. but it sure made me smile. like a comedy routine .. in real life!

silence

2011-01-24T07:07:00.000+02:00

greetings, whoever might still read this. i apologize for the long, unexplained hiatus. i don't have a good reason. but i have something i want to write about, so am glad to be able to actually post today! no promises about when i will post next, but my plan is definitely less than three months! :P

tomorrow afternoon i will head to a place called the mercy center. as recommended by a number of wise people. and i will begin to do the ignatian exercises (short explanation found here). and spend about a month basically in silence. which sounds somewhat extreme. but .. with good reason. there are two main reasons for doing this --
- to spend time focusing on being in God's presence, listening well, re-centering, being refreshed by Him
- clarity!

i'm not exactly sure what to expect. i've never spent a month in silence, or even close. i will have conversations with a spiritual director most days, but in many ways i will be secluded. this is a gift. not many people are able to take time like this. or make the space to take time like this. although i am not exactly sure what to expect .. i expect to be in God's presence. and to be changed. may it be so.

standing in line..

2010-11-03T10:32:00.000+02:00

after almost two months of silence, i'm not sure who is reading this .. but i hope to post more often than once every two months! so, jumping right in ..

each year i spend a few weeks (or months..) working toward renewing my visa. you would think after four tries it would be easier .. but it still takes lots of energy. but there are some good things. yesterday i went to pay two taxes, and it meant standing in four different lines. but it is done, which is a very good thing! and of the four people that interacted with to accomplish these tasks, two of them were smiling and interested in what i do and why i'm here in romania. often people at big offices, banks, or government buildings can be pretty serious and not particularly happy. so i was grateful for these two women who didn't fit my stereotype, and were helpful and gracious. it made standing in line much better!

a purpose for worship

2010-09-09T19:22:00.000+03:00

the second week of the wonderful class that i am taking had more intriguing articles. yay! and here are a few quotes that i have been pondering the past couple of days.

"God is not threatened; rather He is immeasurably saddened by false worship. When people worship anyone or anything besides Him, they become like it. God has better intentions for people." -- Steven C. Hawthorne

and the well-known quote from John Piper: "Missions exists because worship doesn't."

"We will not bring the kingdom or build the kingdom, but our privilege is to live out previews of 'coming attractions,' revealing what this kingdom will look like." -- Tim Dearborn

one idea which i have been pondering is motivation for mission. motivation for how we live and what we focus on, not just mission. if our motivation has to do with people, we will be disappointed. because people are sinful and selfish and make mistakes. (everyone -- including ourselves!) if our motivation has to do with our own selfish desires, we will probably not last very long. but .. if our motivation comes from a deeper, wider, bigger purpose .. then it just might be possible for us to stay involved exactly where we are. if our internal motivation is based on the One who is stable, we will have the capacity to face external challenges. and being invited to participate in the plan of God is much more exciting than making my own plan anyway! :)

a new book!

2010-09-04T11:38:00.000+03:00

on the way to hang out with a couple friends, i stopped to get my mail. and i found a book that i've been eagerly waiting for! once i arrived, i pulled out the package and opened it, and had this silly grin on my face as i saw the book and started looking through it. my friends looked at me like i was crazy. (this happens more than you might think.. :P ) on this particular occasion, the look was well-merited. because, you see, the book has 782 pages, and it is a textbook. all about the world Christian movement!

i am taking an online class called "perspectives" and am really grateful for the opportunity to read a large variety of authors and subjects, to be challenged in my view of God and mission, and to do so with a cohort of fellow believers from various places around the globe. here are a few quotes from this week's reading that stood out.

"Holiness is wholeness. To be holy is to be wholly the Lord's." -- Walter C. Kaiser

"None of God's gifts were meant for our own consumption. They were not meant to be mere badges or titles. They were for the purpose of declaring His wonderful deeds and calling people to His marvelous light." -- Walter C. Kaiser

"Blessing is God's provision for human flourishing. But it is also relational: to be blessed by God is not only to know God's god gifts but to know God himself in his generous giving." -- Richard Bauckham

I hope to continue to share quotes and ideas throughout this four month class. Some ideas are just better when they are shared!

an abrupt transition

2010-08-31T23:19:00.000+03:00

this past saturday afternoon it was 32˚C .. almost 90˚F. nice, typical summer weather. warm, but not overwhelmingly so. then .. sunday morning i wake up and it is raining. the warmest it gets all day is around 21˚C .. 70˚F. that is a big drop in temperature! and since then, it has continued to rain and be cooler. which is nice autumn weather. but it is so sudden!

change is a natural part of life. it happens to everybody. in all sorts of ways. internally and externally. but, it is nice when we can get accustomed to the idea of change, when we can prepare ourselves a bit. this change just happened faster than i was expecting. and made all the other changes going on just a little bit more challenging to deal with. ah well .. i am grateful that we are going to have a real autumn!

an expression

2010-08-26T23:32:00.000+03:00

while i was out walking this evening, i passed a man walking with his wife. when we passed, he looked at me, and the word that immediately came to mind was 'sneer'. not that his expression was horrible .. but it wasn't all that polite, either. two thoughts in rapid succession came to mind..
1. was that expression meant for me?!
2. did his face get stuck like that?

(necessary explanation for thought number 2 .. there is a 'calvin and hobbes' comic strip where calvin makes a horrible face. and an adult says 'be careful. it could get stuck like that.' calvin, of course, spends the rest of the panels with the same face, hoping it will become permanent. in the last panel, he is gravely disappointed .. it didn't get stuck!)

strange, i know. but it made my day better. and .. instead of being offended, why not find something humorous?!

choosing to be grateful

2010-08-08T13:18:00.001+03:00

"I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need." -- Philippians 4.12-13

"Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." -- 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18

these two passages have come to mind a number of times recently. from what i have seen in my own life, faith and belief often have to be worked out and practiced in decisions that seem inconsequential. small, daily choices do matter. at the moment, one of the choices i have daily (hourly or more often!) is to complain or to be thankful about the heat. yesterday it almost reached 100*F in the shade. it has been in the 90s most of the week and looks like it will continue to stay there. this is true in many parts of the world .. summer brings heat! (and in some places this is just life as usual .. which makes me really glad for the other three seasons.)

someone made a comment to me a while back that we humans are so good at finding things to complain about! when it is summer, we complain about the heat. when it is winter, we complain about the cold. there is always something. (i have spent time with people who excel at finding things to complain about, and sometimes am amazed at how creative they can be!) but in the same way, if we simply choose to look at things from a different perspective, there are always reasons to be thankful. i believe this is a spiritual discipline. especially in today's world, when there are always ads telling us that we need their product to be happy, or the newest version of whatever the hot technology is. choosing to be thankful for what we have, for who we are with, for things we cannot change doesn't just happen, we have to practice!

in the heat of the day, i am choosing to be thankful for accessible and clean water. for a fan from a friend. for the cool breezes and temperatures that come each night (even if they aren't really cool, they are much better than noon!). for the wise One who created seasons. for fresh produce that needs the sun and warmth to because so flavorful. for ice cubes in my glass of cold tea. for friends to share an ice cream with. for shade. for green trees. see? once you start being thankful, it's hard to stop sometimes!

to mark or not to mark ..

2010-07-08T10:19:00.000+03:00

i don't particularly enjoy writing in books. this is something i learned from my family, i'm sure. some people use pens and highlighters and colored pencils .. making it easy to tell what they thought when they read a certain book. but i enjoy reading books over again. at least the good ones! and i prefer to read it again without necessarily remembering the same thoughts.

the first time that i remember actually writing in a book was junior year of college. for a class called 'sport and society' we read Friday Night Lights and then needed to write a paper applying issues we'd discussed in class to the book. it was a good book, and i enjoyed it, but i knew that to write a good paper i would need quotes. so i grabbed a pencil and made light vertical lines next to sentences or paragraphs that stuck out. this was enough for me to later use those in my essay. and not so much that it bothered me or others who borrowed the text.

that same technique .. pencil with light lines running down the margins of the paper has continued with me, even though i still don't use it very often. but i run into problems when i read authors like frederick buechner (currently that means A Room Called Remember) or eugene peterson (currently Eat This Book) .. because there are sometimes so many consecutive thoughts and phrases and ideas that i could simply put lines along the edges of all the pages and call it good. but i refrain myself and try to only put lines next to the salient sentences. (i try!) and .. it usually means that i will just need to revisit their books periodically, reading with new eyes and trying to let a little more of their wisdom become my own.

hot water again!

2010-06-27T00:37:00.000+03:00

today i took a hot shower for the first time in almost three weeks. marvelous!

much of the water here is centralized, so when they do repairs (usually at the beginning of the summer) they turn off all the hot water in the city. for something like a week or two. this time it was two and a half weeks. but they turned it on again, which is marvelous! during the first week it was hot outside (high 90s, F) .. so cold showers were alright. after that it got a bit chillier and the showers got shorter, as well as a couple times heating water on the stove.

my organization has something called learning community, and at the moment we are discussing creation care. what it means to be good stewards. this can be played out and discussed in so many ways! we read an article and watched a video (20 minutes, definitely worth it!), and then got started talking. one thing that stood out to me, because of the lack of hot water here, was the difference between choosing to be a good steward of resources .. and being forced to do so. it is one thing to have had plenty and then to decide to live differently and seek simplicity in various ways. but if you have not had enough, for someone to tell you that you must life without seems very unjust. all that to say .. i've been thinking about what sort of expectations we should have of one another, especially when it comes to crossing cultures and economic lines.

(mis)communicating

2010-06-23T20:43:00.000+03:00

i had an odd moment today. spending time with a friend who speaks both romanian and english, like i do. our conversation was full of both languages, changing from one to the other without an apparent reason. at one point, we just stopped talking and looked at each other. after a few moments of silence, she said 'i just don't really understand how you think.' made me smile, because i was thinking something similar.

strange this .. we speak the same language. we speak two of the same languages. and yet, understanding each other can be hard work. feels like parallel lines sometimes. i understand the words .. but the meaning? not so much. part of it is culture .. part of it is background .. part of it is simply the ways that our minds work. which is marvelously different. interesting and challenging and sometimes frustrating. but marvelous, all the same.

a bit of refreshment

2010-06-02T21:19:00.000+03:00

a couple of days ago, i went with a friend to her choir rehearsal. and it was marvelous! the director is passionate about music, and had everyone singing (and singing together!) within the first few minutes. simple warming up exercises became gorgeous three part harmony, and then there was rehearsal with four or five songs. sung repeatedly (at least three times each), getting better each time. made me miss singing in a choir. and at the same time, hearing some beautiful music fed some piece of my soul that needs beauty.

and then, through some blog or news on my google rss feeder, i was introduced to the 'carolina chocolate drops' .. a bad that does blues, jazz, fiddle, banjo, various percussion instruments .. wonderful sound. probably it's best to listen to them. here's one song i've been enjoying the past few days. good music .. it refreshes the soul!

memorizing twice

2010-05-13T18:17:00.000+03:00

reading the Bible is something that i do every day. most mornings i wake up (not always easily..) spend a few moments checking email, and then i head to the kitchen to heat water for coffee, wash dishes, and grab a simple breakfast. then it's back to my living room with coffee and cereal .. often homemade, with homemade yogurt, and some nice fruit as well. :) i put them on a stool, tuck my legs up in my comfy chair and open the Word. somehow, eating physically reminds me that i am eating spiritually. the Bible isn't just something that's good to know, or something i try to get through .. spending time quietly reading, pondering, listening, reflecting, meditating .. is good and necessary for the soul!

a couple weeks ago, i read Ephesians. it's only six chapters, and sometimes it's good to read whole books at a time .. not just a chapter or two a day. so i was reading the whole book on this particular day, but when i got to the end of the third chapter, i just stopped. and i read it again. and again. and again. and then i worked on memorizing the words. it's a passage that's well known. but, like so many things which are familiar, sometimes we forget what is actually being said. on this particular day, it struck me as astounding.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. -- Ephesians 3.14-21

Amazing!! glorious riches .. Christ may dwell in your hearts .. rooted and established in love .. all the fullness of God .. his power that is at work within us .. what astounding concepts! i shared these verses with a few friends, but then i had the idea that it would be cool to share it at church. except for the fact that it meant memorizing it in another language. but i was up for the challenge. so .. i did. i memorized it (mostly) in Romanian. and English. same concept, but different words, different emphasis. it was a challenge, but a good one. except that now, when i think about this passage, it is hard to think of it solely in one language or the other. if i am reciting it to myself and get stuck, it is often the other language which comes to mind. so i translate it back into which ever language i'm using at the time. but it's a strange place .. having this passage mostly memorized in two language, and succeeding to keep them separate only by deep concentration. maybe that's how the rest of my brain is .. a bit unorganized, in terms of language, so it only makes sense. but still .. a bit odd to begin in one language and end in another.

good bacteria!

2010-04-19T22:19:00.000+03:00

one thing i have been doing regularly, for at least four or five months now, is making yogurt. it's actually a very simple process .. heat milk until it almost boils, let it cool down a bit, add 2 big spoons of yogurt, then wrap it up in towels and wait. the bacteria does the work. six hours later (or so) i unwrap it and put it directly in the fridge. the next morning .. yummy yogurt!

i like this process for a few reasons. one of them is that it tastes very good! another is that i know what is in the yogurt. and it's a bit cheaper. (not much, but still..) but i also value the picture! feels like a good image of what happens so often in our spiritual lives. God puts is in the right atmosphere (i would say .. some challenges, but not so many that we break) .. and then keeps us there while He builds up our character. or while He sands away sinful habits. or while He deepens our roots. or while He hollows out more space inside us so that His Spirit can fill us even more. whatever He may be doing .. it is His work! and we are changed, not through our own efforts .. but through His grace! so. yogurt is good to eat. and it reminds me that we have a God who is always, always working!

sounds of Easter

2010-03-30T23:45:00.000+03:00

one of the things i really savor about living in Romania is the seasons. not just the four seasons (although they can be rather glorious!) .. but the other signs that a certain time of year has come. say, for instance, the week and a half when strawberries are in season, cheap, amazingly juicy and sweet, and everybody eats them while they can! or, perhaps, knowing that it is near Christmas because it smells like oranges and a sweet-bread that is made traditionally here.

Easter is clearly coming. the most obvious reason being that everyone is cleaning their rugs. and this process looks a little bit different than in the States. rugs are rolled up and carried to the nearest bar, which are probably within a 5 minute walk of just about anybody. there is an instrument, much like a racket, which is used to beat the rug over and over until there isn't much dust left in it. this makes a loud sound, which one might mistake for some sort of violence, if one didn't know better .. everyone is cleaning house before Easter and visitors, so i hear this sound often. but i take it as a reminder of what this week represents, of what happened on Friday .. and what happened on Sunday. and it's all true!

an apt picture

2010-03-27T21:43:00.000+02:00

this is a photo that i took from my bathroom. with a little bird resting for a bit on the concrete just outside the window.

this winter, we had a few really cold weeks. because of the way the heating works, i always left my bathroom window just a little bit open, so there would be some airflow. a few days into our incredibly cold streak, i started to hear bird noises more often, but i didn't immediately realize why. some mornings i would find old bread crusts in my bathtub, which sits right below the window. strange, i thought .. but i still didn't guess why. upstairs neighbors and wind? bored kids?

eventually, it clicked. these birds had been coming to my window to find shelter. because the window was cracked open, it meant that there was air just a little bit warmer than outside, and they were taking advantage of it! sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes much longer.

talking with God, this felt like a picture of what He has invited me into. people can come into my home (and friendship) and they can be warmed, comforted, refreshed. these birds needed a place to really rest, and it feels like i sometimes get to do the same thing for my friends! invite them in, share what i have, be present with them, enjoy life together, and send them on their way with just a little bit more hope, Lord willing.

a friend recently visited and the birds kept reminding her of the passage of Scripture that talks about God taking care of the birds of the field, and that we can trust Him to provide for us as well. she encouraged me to trust Him to provide for me and for whatever the future may hold. so .. each day as i hear and see the birds (who still come around and visit, even if it's not cold outside) .. i remember these two thoughts, and wonder what else is in store for me to learn!

'providential'

2010-01-30T00:58:00.000+02:00

apologies for the long pause. hope you enjoy this story!

wednesday i traveled from romania to germany. two plane rides. each of them less than two hours. but still .. i got to be on a plane! traveling is something i always enjoy, and this day was no exception. i arrived at the airport in germany and needed to get down to the train station (connected to the airport, just takes a bit of walking to get there) for the train i had a ticket on that left 40 minutes after i had collected my baggage.

when i arrived at the train station, i looked up at the wall to see which trains were leaving when. my train wasn't on the list. i got a feeling that all was not well with the world .. and walked back a short ways to the place where you can buy tickets. i showed one of the women working there my ticket, and she said 'oh.. this is from the main station in the city, not from the airport station.' she looked at my sad face and said 'there's a train leaving on line 4 in 4 minutes. it's ten minutes into the city center and the conductor probably won't come and ask for tickets. so .. that's what i did. i walked very quickly and made the train (it was two minutes late, even, so i didn't have to worry!) and although the conductor passed by, there were many people already waiting to exit the train at the stop so she didn't ask for any tickets. thanks, God!

the track i needed to be at was just one over, so it was easy to get there and i even had almost 10 minutes to spare! turns out the train was running 10 minutes late, so i had a bit more time. once i got on the train and found a seat (i had a seat on my ticket but it was in use, so i just found one nearby) that was next to another woman. i assumed she was a german, and when she went to the bathroom she spoke german to me. but .. after she came back, she called her mother. and .. what language did she happen to use?! why, romanian, of course! so we had an hour and a half to talk about all sorts of things! there were some mechanical problems with the train, so it stopped for a bit and went a slightly different direction .. but God had provided this woman who would kindly translate for me! and who let me use her phone to call the friends i am visiting, letting them know i was going to be late.

it felt so .. providential. something that is just too much to be a coincidence. i come to a different country .. and end up having a ticket for the wrong train .. and sit down next to a random woman .. who just happens to be fluent in romanian and german (and at least 3 other languages as well!) .. and who wants to talk about some of what God is doing in romania, and things we understand about the culture. such a gift! made me feel that i truly am taken care of. with nothing to worry about :)

winter is here!

2009-12-19T23:31:00.000+02:00

so .. it's been a while since i've posted anything. maybe someone is still reading? if so, thanks for your patience!

late monday night, and didn't really stop until late friday night. little flakes .. but that much snow means a lot! i don't know exactly how much, but six inches? maybe more? this is the first real snowfall, so i've been enjoying it. makes me feel like it is actually winter!

one big difference between snow in america and snow in romania is that an average american family has a car (or more), while the typical romanian family doesn't necessarily. there are plenty of cars .. but many people still get places by walking or taking a bus or a tram. which is generally a great way to get around. but when it's snowing and cold .. less enjoyable. but more enjoyable for many small children .. as they go with parents and grandparents on errands, many get rides on sleighs, instead of walking!

this morning, i saw that it had stopped snowing, and i looked at the temperature. -13*C .. which is about 9*F. cold! i just checked, and now it says that it's around -17*C, which is just over 1*F. very cold! nobody is spending any more time outside than they have to. everyone is bundled up well, with at least a few layers, and walking quickly to their destination. makes me very glad for good heating, and for warm tea! but .. crazy as i am, i am enjoying the cold. i have warm clothes, which helps, but i also just like cold weather. and it is finally here! if it stays cold, the snow should stick around for a while as well! at least until Christmas :)

answered prayer

2009-10-31T22:53:00.000+02:00

today something happened that could have been discouraging. but i asked God for strength. i told Him that i trust Him .. so instead of being discouraged i got to give the problem to my Daddy who knows how to take care of it. i took a few minutes to write some thoughts in my journal before heading off to worship practice, and asked God to give me trust and joy. and He did!

throughout our 3 hours rehearsal, i kept smiling. not constantly .. but whenever i looked for Joy it was there. this sweet Presence with me. and really .. when one is aware that the Creator of the Universe is present, it can be hard not to smile! and if i had been alone, i would have danced a jig at least a few times. but i was with our worship team and didn't feel quite comfortable enough for that. so i made do with lots of big grins, a light heart, and a few handstands.

a trip to the dentist

2009-10-22T17:11:00.000+03:00

most people i know aren't excited about a trip to the dentist .. but sometimes, it is actually nice. like when you know something is wrong with your teeth and you know that it's going to be better after the visit. last week i made a few phone calls and set up an appointment to go and see a dentist. a romanian dentist. something i'd never done before. another new cultural experience..

i wasn't sure what information i would need, or what sort of forms there would be to fill out. from what i remember in america, there are usually lots of forms. i showed up at the right office (with good directions, that is easy!), rang the doorbell, and the dental assistant let me in. she asked me to wait a couple of minutes. and it really was only a couple of minutes! i was then invited into the office (and that's the extent of it .. a waiting room, and an office .. one dentist and one assistant), shown a chair where i could put my bag and coat, and pointed to the chair where i would sit.

she asked a couple of questions about what i thought the problem might be, and then she asked me to open my mouth and the process began. no forms, no writing, no background information needed. it was easy! and i learned some new words in the process .. words like 'filling' and 'cavity' and 'gums'. since it was just a problem with a cavity, there was no anesthetic. not sure how often they use shots in america, but the dentist just drilled carefully. if it was in a sensitive spot, she went slowly and never pushed too hard. it wasn't painless, but definitely bearable. and i'm not saying that it was exciting to be at the dentist .. but the fact that it was an 'unknown' .. and i was able to go and figure it out as i went and even have some interesting bits of conversation .. one less thing to be uncertain of here in romania! and aside from that i even have a tooth that is much happier!

it's marvelous to be warm!

2009-10-21T22:51:00.001+03:00

HURRAH!!

the weather here has been cold for more than a week. but typically, there is a wait of at least four days to see that the weather will stay cold, so that money isn't needlessly spent on heating. but it has stayed cold. temps in the 40s and 30s most days. making for lots of tea drinking, layering, and warm blankets. i arrived home this evening, heard a strange sound .. and when i felt one of the pipes in the hallway .. it was finally warm!!

we have heat!!

Thanks, God!

a good morning

2009-10-09T22:26:00.003+03:00

this morning i curled up in my comfy armchair with three wonderful things..

1 -- a bowl filled with homemade granola, homemade yogurt, and a kiwi
2 -- a mug of strong black coffee, ground yesterday, made in a french press
3 -- the Word of God, which my Friend always uses to speak truth to me!

what better way to start the day?

feeble explanations of grace..

2009-10-03T21:41:00.004+03:00

i see my 'bunica' (boo-nee-cah, which means grandmother in Romanian) about once every two weeks, and we always find interesting things to talk about. when i first began spending time with her (almost 3 years ago!) our time consisted exclusively of language lessons, and me leaving with an aching head almost every week. now, there are few grammar corrections and we simply share stories, thoughts, ask questions, and seek to get to know each other better.

last week, she told me a story about how a young teenager had murdered his mother. in our city. violently. she told me she has no hope for him, that when she hears stories similar to this one she is filled with despair. i couldn't agree with her on this one. you see .. if i say that any individual is beyond hope, it means that my God is not all powerful. i believe that He is powerful beyond my imagination. way beyond. this is a concept that doesn't get explained easily in any language .. but i made an attempt in Romanian. this is the second time this particular topic has come up in the last month, so i think my 'bunica' started to comprehend just a little bit more. and me too, i think. may our definitions be widened and narrowed in such a way that we can both proclaim and understand Truth more fully!

3 vignettes

2009-09-02T21:12:00.004+03:00

i have 3 unrelated thoughts .. but if i don't post them now, they probably won't get posted. sorry for the randomness :P

CULTURES .. i was talking with a friend the other day and she said something that was funny .. but i didn't understand much. she said it quickly and mumbled a little. she looked at me with exasperation and said, "you americans don't understand anything!" i looked at her with sad puppy eyes, and sighed. she relented, "okay. you're half romanian, so you understand some of the time." we looked at each other and laughed for at least a minute. sweet!

AUTUMN .. living in Romania, one of the signs of fall that i enjoy is a particular smell. because it is still very much an agricultural society, going to the neighborhood farmers' market is still part of the week (at least once!) for most families. and in the fall, there is lots of canning, pickling and freezing to prepare fruits and veggies for winter. one common vegetable is a red pepper. it is similar to a bell pepper, but can be a bit spicy. they are roasted, peeled, and then frozen or canned to be eaten later in the year. and the smell .. delectable!

KINDNESS .. this evening, on my way to church, i saw a little boy (5 or 6 years old) caught on a fence. it was 2 or 2.5 feet high, and he had climbed halfway over. most apartment blocks have plots of land outside that are fenced in, which are sometimes used for flowers or drying clothes. this little boy looked pretty stuck, and a young man who was walking by said 'can i help you?' and gently and easily picked him up. he held him up so they were about eye level, and then asked him which way he had been trying to go. the boy told him and was gently placed on the other side of the fence. what a treat .. to see one human acknowledge and value another with grace and simplicity.

between..

2009-08-12T12:39:00.002+03:00

i had a conversation today with another american. who hasn't spent very much time in romania. when he found out that i'd been here for 3 years, his eyebrows went up. a few minutes later, he asked me if i felt like a romanian now. i didn't know how to respond. maybe it's a difference of definition? although i speak romanian fairly well, and know how to get around this city, and don't hang out with many other foreigners .. that doesn't make me romanian. to be romanian means to be full of their beautiful culture -- language and history and family stories and wonderful food and so much more. because i've spent three years in romania -- i am now neither fully american nor fully romanian. somewhere in the middle. i am actually beginning to feel at home here in some ways .. but there are often reminders that i just don't belong. which is okay. it's a challenge to push in deeper.

connections .. God style!

2009-07-16T13:03:00.005+03:00

our God is rather crazy. in an amazing and astounding way. but for the end of this story to make sense, there are a couple important pieces that you need to know first.

two years ago, a friend connected me through email to another friend of hers who lives and works in romania. this person works with another missions organization that has a similar perspective on life and missions to the one i'm part of. although we communicated just a little bit through email, it didn't work out at that point for me to go and visit at that point. it's not too far .. about 4 hours by train. but things got busy, and i got focused on other things, and nothing ever happened.

things have been changing on my team, and i am stepping into a posture of learning what God is doing in my neighborhood, the city i live in, and even a wider perspective of what God is doing across the country. i haven't been particularly sure how to go about this, but have been praying and asking God to direct my path.

last week, i spent the week at camp with kids from our program. to arrive at this particular location, we took a train four hours south (generally). then we got on a bus for another two hours to arrive in a village. then we walked half an hour on a dirt road to arrive at the actual place we stayed. it was a marvelous location .. tucked away in the hills, with plenty of activities for the kids to do. from where we were, we couldn't see any other houses or buildings. just green trees and hills! there were houses nearby, but not visible. it was a bit tricky even to get cell phone reception. by the end of the week, everybody knew where their particular phone had a couple of bars, and spent time there once in a while to call parents or friends or send a text message.

anyway .. turns out, that the organization that i had made contact with long ago also comes to this same location with their kids during the summer. and it turns out .. someone from their organization had come to spend a few days on retreat. through a couple of conversations with different people, the connection was made that he works with them. so .. i got to make a new connection. and have the possibility of visiting come up again, with an invitation, even! at the end of a dirt road .. from a small village .. in the middle of romania. one could say that it was coincidence .. but i don't think so. only God has a sense of humor like this!

is seven too many?

2009-06-13T23:16:00.004+03:00

i was looking at my stack of books this morning, and what i saw struck me as rather eclectic. books are wonderful. i read something in a book every day. it's not just something to do, but is .. part of the way i understand the world. part of how i learn about myself. part of what gives me joy. at the moment, i'm working on a number of books. all of them have such different flavors that when i sit down, i think about my mood, how much i can focus, how thoughtful i'm feeling, which ones need to get read soon .. all sorts of factors go into which one i actually read on a particular day. at any rate, here are the books that i'm currently reading ..

harry potter and the half-blood prince .. j.k. rowling

a short history of nearly everything .. bill bryson

interior castle .. teresa of avila

celebration of discipline .. richard foster

the dangerous act of worship .. mark labberton

well connected: releasing power, restoring hope through kingdom partnerships .. phill butler

power under: trauma and non-violent social change .. steven wineman

a graduation ceremony

2009-06-12T12:14:00.004+03:00

yesterday i had the privilege of attending a friend's graduation from college. she studied at the horticulture college, in the landscaping school. i'd never been to this kind of ceremony in romania before, and i'm glad i was invited.

the funniest part was one of the speeches. one of the professors, for some rather unclear reason, decided to 'give a tour' of the world's flowers. it's something that could have been very interesting, but i tend to be of the opinion that often, interesting means concise. particularly at a graduation ceremony where it's rather warm. say important things .. just don't say them three times. not that this woman repeated herself, but instead of doing a few countries, she decided to cover a number of countries. her speech was somewhere between 10 and 15 minutes, i think. talking about the various flowers for countries, where they come from, if they are specific to that region, what they symbolize. somewhat interesting, but a bit too long. so .. the funny part..

she started with america. and the first powerpoint said 'alabama'. i thought to myself 'if i were going to choose a state to represent america, i'm not sure it would be alabama. (okay. that sounds mean, but there are other states that are much more well known around the world. anyway..) the next slide said 'arkansas'. and i started to groan. was she planning to talk about all 50 states?! my disbelief and laughter was quite entertaining to my friends (good thing we were at the back of the balcony!). the professor did a pretty good job of pronouncing states, (harder than you think, since english isn't so much a language you can read letter by letter..) although a few made me chuckle. she started getting to the "m's" and a friend told me that when she got to 'utah' i'd need to wave my flag. we laughed and i mimed my prepared flag .. but the professor skipped right over utah! :( which .. of course .. means that my friends teased me about the fact that there aren't actually any flowers in utah. not true! but kinda funny.. the professor then proceeded to cover parts of canada, south america, africa, asia, and then europe, ending with romania. nice to have something to smile about, even though there was so much that was said i didn't quite understand. (fast talking and microphones make a foreign language just that much harder to grasp..)

the best part was when our friend actually got her diploma. there were four groups of students who graduated, and her group was the last group. because her last name is toward the end of the alphabet, she ended up being the last name to be called. throughout the giving out of diplomas, our group clapped and cheered, even though not many others were doing so. when her name was called .. we whooped and hollered and cheered. and she got a big grin on her face. big enough to be seen even from the back of the balcony! nice to encourage her and to celebrate her accomplishments. the long ceremony was worth it to see that grin on her face!

a good evening

2009-05-31T23:23:00.004+03:00

tonight was pretty wonderful. i got to be at church tonight. that's a good start. we have church in the evening instead of the mornings, and because i'm part of the worship team, that means that most sundays i'm at church from around 4.30 to 8.30 or 9. getting to be with, to worship with, to enjoy my Family. pretty marvelous.

for the last sunday each month this year, one of the people in our church shares part of their story. however they desire to do so. the pastor doesn't preach, and someone talks about who God is in their lives. this month our theme has been worship, so in addition to one of the guys sharing, 3 of us made some art. and we talked about it - how we had created it, what we see it in, that sort of thing. and we sang 3 good songs tonight. (the last one is a new song, and the last section of said song feels very jazzy. not necessarily the rhythm or speed, but the style. in that there is a very simply theme that gets repeated, motifed, transformed, played with, improvised around. and .. it's different every time we play it. sweet!)

after church is over, people stick around and talk, eat cookies, drink pop. tonight we pulled out the ping pong table and played doubles so that more people could play (including people who don't have lots of practice .. just playing because it's fun!). and 4 of us improvised a 'basketball court' so that we could play. hadn't done that in a while .. it was 2 guys vs. 2 girls, with both of the guys being around 6' and neither of the girls. but the other girl plays well, so it was somewhat evenly matched.

and to add to enjoyment of the evening, i got to play with the pastor's two older kids. the oldest is a boy who is about 7, and the middle child is a girl about 4. i got to pick her up, to spin her around, to swing her, to make her laugh, to imitate her movements, and to have her grab my hand and pull me to see a few things.

life is a gift. thanks, Abba!

between..

2009-05-12T13:56:00.004+03:00

5 cities.
4 flights.
3 layovers.
22 hours.

it actually didn't feel that long. my layovers were all less than 2 hours, and even though i had to rush to catch one plane it was quite possible. airports for some people are scary places or frustrating places .. for me they are often quite enjoyable. i heard about a third culture kid who said that he was most comfortable in airports. neither here nor there. leaving and arriving. between the goodbyes and the hellos.

my longest flight was not quite 8 hours, and i had a nice german man for a seatmate. we talked probably 2 hours (i slept more than 4, as well!) and turns out he travels quite a bit more than i do. but .. his whole extended family lives less than 50 miles apart. quite different from my family. he has deep roots and plans to always call the area where he lives just outside frankfurt home. of course, this led to him asking me 'where is your home?' .. and i gave him the answer i've given many times, but which feels more and more true. my parents still live in the same home that they lived in when i was born, so that is indeed one home. at the same time .. home is with people that i love. so when i'm with family or dear friends, regardless of where we are, i'm home. when i'm with innerchange, i'm home. when i'm at any of my 3 churches, i'm home. 'home' in varying degrees .. but still, i think this is true. (if anybody begs to differ, or has a question .. comment away!)

similar .. but not ..

2009-04-02T14:16:00.005+03:00

words are interesting. and quite enjoyable.

in learning another language, there are always mistakes and misusing words that sound similar but in fact mean something completely different! one recent example .. i was talking to a young teenager about how people hang out in groups. especially young people. and the romanian word for such a group or 'gang' is gaşcă (gahsh-kuh). i couldn't quite remember how to say it, and instead said găscă (gah-skuh). in my mind, these look and sound somewhat similar. except that one means 'gang' .. and one means 'goose'. this friend i was talking to laughed and couldn't think of what word i might actually be trying to say. to my english-speaking brain, they are just a few accents different. to her romanian-speaking brain, they aren't even close! finally i was able to verbalize the right version and she thought about it and said that they are somewhat similar .. but it didn't cross her mind until i finally explained it!

an example of this in english is the two words 'chicken' and 'kitchen'. until i came to romania, i would not have thought them to be even remotely related. seriously. think about it. say them. look at them. they have the same sounds .. just in a slightly different order :) which means that sometimes people say funny things such as 'i'm going to bake in the chicken'.

my brain finds random connections that others' don't necessarily find. i know that everyone's brain works differently, and it's enjoyable that over my time here, some friends have learned to make similar connections and don't look at me quite so strangely when i ask about a word that somehow sounds or looks similar. anyway .. early on in my language learning, i struggled to remember the difference between three words that sound and look similar (to me!). mănuşă, mătusă, and mătură. respectively meaning glove, aunt, and broom. very different things! i've got them settled now, but there were definitely a few humorous and embarrassing mistakes at first. in a course i took about learning language, they said 'you will be the town clown, so laugh it up!' and it's pretty true .. people certainly notice and find humor in my mistakes, so once in a while i purposefully use a 'new word' that i've made up (by messing up before), which brings smiles to faces.

walking the dog

2009-03-27T10:59:00.004+02:00

two friends of mine were traveling for a week. i'm glad they got to go .. but it did mean that for the duration i was in charge of their dog, sandy. she is a gentle, easily-pleased dog .. but she's used to being walked three times a day. which means that for a week, my schedule was quite different than normal. in some good ways, and in some less enjoyable ways. to get to their apartment, take her out for a short walk, take her back, make sure she had food and water, and get back home generally took at least 30 minutes. something so simple .. and yet somehow time-consuming. dogs are nice and i quite enjoy them. but they do take energy and time. especially when one lives in an apartment ..

- for the last week, i've seen stars (including orion!) every night!
- for the last week, i've been out of the house at least by 9.15 if not before.
- i got to listen to 3 sermons and 4 podcasts.
- one day (due to other commitments) i spent over 3 hours walking.
- sandy gets walked along the nearby river .. which means there are only two directions to go. two directions .. three times a day .. 8 days .. means i know a small section of the river much better than i did a week and a half ago. :)
- i'm less afraid at night then i used to be .. because i had to be out around 9 (sometimes even after 10) every night, and doing that for 8 days and being fearful just doesn't cut it. so God and i talked about it and He's given me a greater peace. not that this means i'm going to be wandering the streets late in the evening, but if for some reason i'm out, i'm not going to be afraid about getting home.
- staying home this morning (and reading my Bible and drinking coffee and sending work emails) without having to first walk a dog has been quite refreshing!

schizophrenic weather!

2009-03-26T09:01:00.002+02:00

yesterday we had more than our share of weather. let me explain .. the day started out a bit chilly, with some wind and a sun valiantly peaking out around the clouds. throughout the morning, the clouds got darker and thicker until they were a grey layer across the sky. as i was sitting eating lunch with my romanian grandmother, we looked out the window to discover that it was raining. pouring, actually -- for just a few minutes -- and then just a light drizzle. standing on the porch, preparing to walk home, i learned the word for hail in romanian (lapovita, for anybody who is interested). the halfway point between her home and mine happens to be a long footbridge that crosses a number of train tracks. with all the train tracks, open space, and elevated pathway, it can be very windy. for the 5 minutes it takes to walk across this footbridge, it was snowing horizontally. not quite a blizzard, but thick and dense. for the next hour, visibility was quite limited. by mid-afternoon, the sun was shining and the clouds were white and fluffy. there was a gorgeous sunset with golden edges around the clouds and strong rays of sunshine. it stayed dry, without more precipitation, but by the time night fell it was again almost freezing temperatures. strange .. and yet rather wonderful.

2 reminders i live in romania

2009-03-15T12:04:00.003+02:00

man .. almost a month since my last post. apologies to whoever happens to read this. when i wait too long .. there are too many things in my head and i'm just not sure where to start. but today i know exactly what i want to share :) two stories that recently reminded me that i really do live in romania.

story number one: i wanted to buy a snack, so went into a corner grocery store, and asked for what i wanted. i only had a bill for 5 lei (romanian currency), and it cost .60 lei. the shopkeeper looked in her drawer and said that she only had 4 one-lei bills and that she wasn't willing to give them all to me. i told her i didn't have any one-lei bills, so she said. 'can't help you'. and sent me on my way. i wasn't going to buy something worth lots of money, so it wasn't worth her time. no offers for 'do you want to get something else too?' or 'let me go next door' .. just 'go away.' on a slight side note .. sometimes when cashiers at small stores like this one don't have the correct change they'll give you a piece of gum or a piece of candy instead. kinda strange at first, but one mostly gets used to it.

story number two: yesterday i was walking home from church with two friends. one of them was going to catch the bus, and we saw it pass just as we reached the bus stop. this meant she would have to wait another 10-15 minutes. and all three of us just assumed that we would wait with her. if one of us had needed to be somewhere, it would have been alright to leave, but because we didn't it was acceptable and expected that we would wait with her. which is nice. i enjoy that. spending time with people, waiting with them, talking until something interrupts :) in american culture, people are often so busy they might not have time to just hang out with somebody while they waited for the bus. today i'm glad that i do have time (at least sometimes!) and that it also makes sense culturally.

one thing i really don't like

2009-02-19T20:02:00.004+02:00

recently, i was strongly reminded of something i really dislike. generally, i'm pretty easy going and don't get upset easily. (at least i think this is true .. ) but last week i was in a situation, and saw again just how much i dislike this particular habit some people have. it may not seem like a big deal, but it feels like a symptom of something bigger.

interrupting

growing up, my family ate dinner together around the table. we actually sat and ate together and had good conversations. there were things that came up sometimes, and not everybody was always there .. but generally this was true. and when one person talked, everyone else listened. honestly. as a little kid i was quite talkative, and sometimes my parents told me it was somebody else's turn to talk and i needed to eat my food. but the fact that i was able to talk and be heard by everybody? i mean .. i'm 7 years younger than anybody else in my family .. and they all listened to me. i was respected and valued and heard. and in turn, i learned how important it is to respect and value and listen.

but it seems like there are lots of people who haven't learned that lesson. the world isn't always a nice place for quiet people. their voices aren't always sought out. those who are loud and noisy are often those who get what they want. but quiet people have important things to say too. sometimes .. because they have more time to think about what they say .. their words and thoughts are incredibly beautiful. personally, if i have to interrupt to be heard, i often choose to just listen instead of trying to push my way into conversation. not always .. but generally.

so .. when there is lots of interrupting going on, what do i read into it? what do i see? i see disrespect. i see people who aren't assured enough of their own value to let someone else talk. people who feel like they need to speak up to gain approval or to be seen or to prove something. maybe that isn't always true. and interrupting is so common, it is a behavior that can easily be picked up and become a habit. sometimes if you want to be heard, it's just about the only way to accomplish that. but .. it is frustrating. and saddening. if one person is given an opportunity to talk and others keep jumping in, it seems like they don't value that one person. not sure how one could go about changing this in a community .. gently shifting expectations and behaviors .. and even if it should be done .. but it certainly makes me wonder.

so many pieces of paper ..

2009-02-05T12:26:00.003+02:00

it's that time of year again ..
visa excitement!
that's right .. waiting .. and rushing. and waiting .. and rushing .. and waiting .. and waiting ..
you know. the usual.

yesterday i paid the taxes.
three of them.
two of which were less than $1.
but i got to visit three different buildings.
and stand in three different lines.
and hand my passport to three different people.
and walk across a plaza from the first to the second building.
and walk a mile to the third building.
but .. getting there and accomplishing this
and getting home took about two hours.
which is better than i expected.

a few more things checked off the visa-list ..
just one more big one to go ..
the first time i did this process,
a teammate made the comment
that you have to really want to stay in this country.
they don't make it easy.
but it's true ..
i'm confident this is where i'm supposed to be
for now
so it's worth all the hassle and energy and frustration.

at least this time i speak the language well enough
to know what is going on.
and why the various offices i have to visit
don't always have the happiest workers ..
i can even to explain myself, if i have to.
and ask questions that get the answers i need!

taking a Sabbath

2009-02-01T10:10:00.002+02:00

apologies for my long absence. too much has happened .. and i haven't been sure what to write about or how to summarize .. so i'm just starting with this week. i'll try to be more consistent about writing, with God's help :)

each week i make a point to take a Sabbath. and it really does need to be taken. there are so many things to be done, and people to spend time with, and pushes toward accomplishing -- if i don't set aside a day, it won't happen. so what is Sabbath? a day to rest. to be refreshed. to spend time in God's presence. to not work. to be creative. those are a few of the 'goals' i have each Sabbath.

this past week, when i woke up on Sabbath morning, i really wanted to finish my book. but i curbed my desire for a while and spent some time with God in His Word, savoring His truth and yummy coffee at the same time :D and then i pulled out this book. it's a book i've read before at least twice, and every time i read it i understand new truths. or old truths more deeply. this particular book has a Christ figure .. and even though the book is not explicitly Christian when i read it, my soul understands it spiritually. all that to say .. i spent a good two or three hours reading, and wasn't sure if i should feel guilty. that i wasn't journaling and reading my Bible and listening to God in silence. but then God reminded me that He is not limited to the Word. He graciously allowed me to commune with Him and take delight in His character through this amazing story. and that's a pretty good way to spend a Sabbath!

a Christmas tradition

2008-12-20T12:59:00.003+02:00

yesterday we celebrated Christmas with our kids at Steps of Hope. (hey - shameless self-promotion! i helped make this website possible! it's mostly the program i used .. but still. there's a site where there wasn't one before :) and a big part of that celebration was going caroling. to various families who wanted us to come. we met at the office first for some games and playing and rehearsing and eating cookies (the kids mixed them up and i baked them) .. and then we started by singing to the school principal. we had 4 songs that we'd practiced (the only one i knew before this month was 'away in a manger' with 'slightly' different words :) and we sung all four of them at almost every place we went.

we left the office about 3.30, and by my count, we visited 7 families. with a total of about 18 kids and 4 adults, with our feet as transportation. i'd guess that the average walk between homes was more than 15 minutes. partially because we weren't speed walking, but also because of where people live and who got home from work when. we finished at the 7th home about 7pm .. so 3 and a half hours or so. personally, i think i only sat down at one of the homes, so the bulk of that was on my feet (even those who sat only did so for a few minutes here and there). i would say we walked at least 5 miles. maybe more .. after the 7th home, about half the kids went home and the other half (the older ones) got on a tram to head to one of the kids' homes about 35 minutes away (by tram!).. i personally opted out of this last one because it would have meant arriving home after 9, and i was already tired (and homesick) at that point. and .. before i even arrived at the office, i had already walked at least 3 miles and had to walk another 1.5 to get home. which means that i probably walked about 10 miles .. and my body certainly felt it last night!

at almost every home we visited, the door was opened and as many as could crowded into their hallway/small foyer (most romanian apartments have foyers where shoes are taken off and coats are hung). we sang our four carols (with two girls alternating 'giving the tone' meaning they sang the first line of the song. this is typical for how a tone is given here.) and then the family invited us to sit down in their living room, again not quite all fitting. they had some sort of sweet for us (often more than one kind of cookie) and something to drink, typically coke or another soda. and if you don't eat, sometimes they get offended. hospitality is culturally very important .. so it is polite to both offer (a few times if it's not received at first) and also to accept what is given. which means that by the end of the night, even though we only went to 7 houses, we were sugared out! a couple of the houses gave us fruit in addition to or instead of sweets, which was very nice! i had heard about this tradition but hadn't been able to experience it for myself, so this was quite a treat.

steeping..

2008-12-13T22:08:00.006+02:00

"A maturing friendship with God means knowing more and more what pleases him. Like a football coach who knows that he and his quarterback are in sync, he increasingly trusts you to make the call." (p181, Can You Hear Me, by Brad Jersak)

i read this yesterday and the image has stayed in my brain. i do believe that God cares about our day to day lives -- how we choose to spend our days, how we respond to various situations and who we seek out. but when i ask God simple questions, i don't always get answers. sometimes .. but not always. and i do have to choose. so reading this put words to something i've been feeling for a while .. that when a person has been steeped in the Word, steeped in relationship with God, steeped in the community of God .. some ways of being become more natural. good habits, as it were. not that a person stops sinning (ha!) .. but some of the characteristics of God begin to be reflected more clearly.

not to say that "i have arrived" or "i know God's plan so well i don't need to talk to Him anymore" or "i always know what's best" or "i always do what i believe is best" .. none of these are even close to true. but the idea of God trusting me (although often this is laughable and absurd to me) fits with the God i have come to know in the Word. a God who chooses to use broken people. people who make huge mistakes. (seriously .. murder, adultery, lying, jealousy, anger, dishonoring God, following false idols, disobedience .. you name it. it can be found in the Bible .. and often (to one degree or another) from those whom God used to lead His people.) so it's okay that i'm not perfect yet. He still chooses to let me be part of His Kingdom work. He chooses to let me mess up, to let me decide, to be present with me and show His mercy and grace. over and over and over again. glad we have a coach who knows how to discipline .. but also how to cheer us on when we've made a good play :)

caroling rehearsal

2008-12-08T22:58:00.003+02:00

tonight we had our first practice for Christmas caroling. we're going as a group from church, and i'm pretty excited. although it will be hard to be away from family during this season, it feels right and good for me to be here .. in this culture i am learning to call home, experiencing their traditions, eating their food (yummy!), speaking with my presence that i value them enough to stay. so we had our first practice tonight, and about 15 people or so showed up. turns out we can sound pretty good. and with a few more rehearsals .. we'll be good to go!

somehow my heart hadn't made the connection that i wouldn't be singing carols i know. one of the three we practiced tonight was a tune i know .. but when i think of Christmas caroling and all the wonderful memories that go with it .. it is indelibly tied to the melodies and words i have grown up with. maybe i can convince my teammates to have a carol-singing night? the familiar ones? in english? we'll see. but .. i get to choose to start a set of new memories .. learning new words, new melodies, new traditions. with the Family that God has provided for me here. and although the music and sense i have are very different .. the amazing truth that God came to earth as a little baby has not and will never changed. and that is comfort enough for tonight.

clear associations..

2008-12-06T16:32:00.001+02:00

last week, for thanksgiving, i found myself making three double batches of cookies and two pumpkin pies -- for various people and events. good thing i had lots of practice while i was growing up cooking these important foods!

at the office, we were preparing for the month of december, and the staff turned to me and asked when i would make cookies with our kids. i wasn't quite sure what to make of this, since there isn't an oven at the office.. but they told me the kids made it clear they wanted to make cookies, and one of the staff told me that if it has to do with cookies, my name comes to mind. so .. we decided on a day and i'm already thinking about what kinds of cookies to make and how i'm going to get them from the office to my place so i can cook them all.

when we celebrated thanksgiving, one of the girls found out that i had made the cookies. when i walked by her seat, she stopped me and said 'i'm going to invite you over to my house so that you can make cookies for me.' and then yesterday at the office, one of the kids was there early and we were talking. after saying 'hello' and 'how are you' .. the first question she asked was 'did you bring more cookies?' this made the staff laugh .. apparently more than one person has now associated me with cookies.

glimpses of beauty!

2008-11-22T12:23:00.002+02:00

i'm not quite sure how all of these things fit together .. except that they are all things i want to remember and which brought a smile to my face recently.

- drinking starbucks coffee! (there are 3 starbucks in bucharest, so the only time i get to drink their coffee is when i'm there or traveling elsewhere in the world .. which doesn't happen all that often..)

- sitting with some dear friends at a mall in front of a fountain. it was built in a circle with water spouts on the edge (10 or 12?), and a circle of spouts in the middle. and the water danced! leaping from the edge in thin clear lines toward the middle only to reappear on the edge moments later. some wonderful synchronization and patterns. we could have sat there for hours, but after 10 or 15 minutes decided to do a bit of window shopping.

- the fact that 5 of us were together to see one of us off on a long journey. the saying 'goodbye' part is never my favorite .. but the fact that all of us were together and were willing to get up early in the morning to go to the airport together .. that is pretty amazing. (and when i say early, i mean leaving the hotel at 3.30 early! and i'm very grateful that we could return to our beds at the hotel for a few more hours of sleep.)

- knowing that said friend who is flying far away is in the hands of a very capable, loving Father.

- discovering that two of these friends (they happen to be teammates, as well :) enjoy playing cribbage. it can require a bit of thinking, so not everyone enjoys it .. but they both do. hurrah!

- in conversation with these same two friends, being able to switch between romanian and english at will. not that my romanian is perfect yet .. but we can communicate well in either language. this is something i've always wanted to do .. and it's happening!

- finally being able to read 'godric' by frederick buechner. i've heard good things about it, and now that i'm halfway through it .. i'm beginning to understand. buechner's writing has a depth and wisdom about it, and being able to read that in story form is good for the soul.

reflection of the Father

2008-11-13T20:08:00.003+02:00

people who spend their lives seeking God and seeking His Kingdom are pretty amazing.

getting to spend time with them .. also amazing. you might not be able to pick them out of a crowd (although CS Lewis writes about a recognition of God's children between one another..). you might not be impressed by their appearance. you might not choose to sit next to them at the airport.

but if you get a chance to sit down and hear a story, you would be surprised at the depth you hear. you might hear questions that grasp more than you'd expect. you might hear stories of great pain told without bitterness or anger. you might find your soul suddenly finding room to breathe. you might wish you could spend a few months living and learning from them (or a lifetime!). you would be able to say like the religious rulers of the day "they knew they had been with Jesus." only by His grace is that possible .. may you continue to evidence yourself in your beloved children, Father.

certainty

2008-11-05T23:32:00.002+02:00

i've felt the call in a number of areas in my life to know myself. to know who i am made to be, to know want i want, what i am called to. at this point many of my answers are 'i don't know' or 'i'm not sure yet' or 'maybe..' .. in some ways i think that's okay. God is the one who knows and it's okay for me to just be His child. but there are conversations coming my way (i can think of 4 off the top of my head that will probably happen in the next two weeks) where it would be really good if i knew at least something.

so what do i know? God is good. God is love. God calls each of us to become more like Him. God has created all of His children to reflect Him a way that is uniquely beautiful. God delights when we choose to obey. God cannot love me more .. even if i'm really good today. God cannot love me less .. even if i do horrible things today.

that seems like a pretty good place to start :)

"i'd like to thank..."

2008-10-18T15:05:00.002+03:00

'i'm winning, i'm winning!' (recognize the quote? anyone?)

i (and another woman who was given this award by amy) "write thought-provoking posts that challenge me to reassess my own understanding of my world, my faith, and my relationships. Thank you, ladies. You inspire me."

that's enough to make anybody smile!

and not i'm supposed to give it to someone else, i think. there are a number of blogs that i follow .. but one i've been enjoying recently is sarah she's a friend who happens to be living in india at the moment. so there are some interesting cultural insights and comments, as well as thoughts that i identify with easily because i'm also living in another culture.

some reasons i know i'm back in romania..

2008-10-10T14:54:00.003+03:00

-- sometimes i turn on the hot water and it just isn't there. guess i'll shower tomorrow..

-- regardless of how cold or wet it is, there are always people out walking

-- my brain is overwhelmed often with a language i didn't know two words in a few years ago

-- cars and people don't get as much space here .. small streets have cars parked, cars coming down them, and pedestrians on one or both sides. people are still safe .. but i must be very attentive as i cross the street

-- seeing men 'using the facilities' on the edges of public space has again become a common occurrence

-- i spend at least half an hour each day walking. the average is probably closer to an hour per day. and that's considered fairly normal :)

-- trams and buses are again easily accessible and useful modes of transportation

-- the market full of fresh produce is just about ten minutes from my place. on foot. and it's open every day!

-- it is the season to prepare for winter, so the smell of roasting red peppers (that will be frozen and eaten when fresh produce isn't so accessible) is everywhere. it's a wonderful smell .. and a good reminder that the seasons are changing

am urcat ceahlaul!

2008-10-05T13:04:00.007+03:00

last friday afternoon i received a phone call from a friend. asking if i wanted to climb a mountain the next day. with some people from church. i thought about it for a few seconds and said 'yes'. and then i discovered that we were leaving at 5am saturday morning. aka very early!

i slept over at my friends' place (to make sure that i actually woke up that early!) and we were indeed leaving shortly after 5. there were 8 of us total. and the drive took about 3 hours (since mountains aren't exactly close to the city where we live). we arrived (after a stop for some breakfast and hot coffee!) and were on our way shortly before 9am. it was chilly, so all of us were in some sort of coat (and some in winter hats, too!) .. but with the exertion of climbing a mountain we quickly warmed up. it was wonderful to be outdoors without out a cement building in sight!

sometimes when i've gone hiking in the past, those who are more fit are way ahead and get frustrated at those who are slower. that didn't happen this time. those who were ahead just waited periodically. and even though i was slower i didn't get left behind. somebody was always close enough to help if need be and to encourage too :) i felt very cared for .. part of the reason i really enjoy the church i get to be part of. by the time we neared the top, it was so foggy that we couldn't see more than 100 feet (that's my guess, at least). but we were easily able to stay on the path and arrive to the chalet at the top where we got some wonderfully warm tea! from there we walked the ridge up to another peak that is pretty abrupt. when we got there, it was so foggy that we could have been anywhere. it was just the eight of us, the rocks that we stood on, some monument-type thing that was on the top of the peak, and fog. surreal.

beauty is something that God uses to speak to me and bless me. (as is true for many of us, if we stop to acknowledge it, i suspect.) near the top of the mountain, somehow the wind and cold temperatures and humidity had combined to make beautiful ice sculptures. the tall grasses and pine trees and various flowers had icicles. that were horizontal. all in one direction. something i'd never seen before and not thought particularly plausible. but there it was. gorgeous and stunning and other-worldly.

with all the fog, we didn't have much of a view. but after we had enjoyed our warm tea and came back outside into the 'brisk cold' .. we had a view. the fog had cleared away in one direction, so we could see a nearby lake and the surrounding mountains. it was astounding! fog on three sides with a clear view in one direction. after a few minutes (maybe ten?) the fog rolled back in and it was just us, the crazy horizontal icicles, rocks, a few green plants, and two dogs who hang around the chalet at the top of the mountain and decided to accompany us to the other peak. pretty amazing. and such a picture of how life can be with God .. sometimes we get a glimpse of where we are, where we have come from, what we have done .. and other times we simply keep walking and moving forward on the few feet of path that we can see. trusting that Somebody knows what's ahead.

oh yeah. the title of the post. it's romanian for 'i climbed ceahlaul!' aka the name of the mountain. sounds sorta like chay-ah-low-ool. sorta :) hope to post picture soon. sorry i can't today.

an awaited visitor!

2008-09-24T20:59:00.004+03:00

today the sun appeared.
he's been on vacation for a week and half
at least.
so i haven't felt sun on my face
since i arrived in romania.
but today i did.
ah, such sweetness!
a gift.. not to be taken lightly
a few hours without socks
or a sweater.
grateful for warmth
thanks, Papa.

a FEAST!

2008-09-22T17:42:00.005+03:00

sunday afternoon, i had the privilege of being invited to my romanian grandmother's house for lunch. turns out, there were 8 of us total. my 'grandmother' and her grandson, a woman who helps her out around the house, and 4 of her dear friends. all of whom she has known for at least 40 years, a couple upwards of 50.

we arrived about 1.30pm, and there was the dining room table, already set. plates around, glasses and smaller glasses (similar to shot glasses, but smaller), utensils, flowers (mostly from the guests, i believe), and the food. oh, the food .. too much to be eaten, but so lovingly prepared! what i remember being on the table for the first course included:
-- meat, cheese and olives
-- fish egg salad
-- something similar to potato salad with eggs and a few other veggies
-- veggie salad (roasted vegetables mixed and blended to be very small size)
-- small pieces of fish
-- breaded cauliflower and mushrooms
-- and bread, of course .. something that few meals are complete without!

we ate and talked, and ate and talked, and then our hostess brought out
-- mici. these are sort of like sausage, but prepared on a grill, typically. if romanians are going to a barbeque, these will always be brought along (somewhat comparable to american hamburgers in usage? and taste, although these have many more spices and are usually eaten with mustard)

a bit later, she brought out a large platter which contained
-- a cooked fish, artistically covered with a few kinds of vegetables

and then ..
-- cooked chicken
-- cabbage salad

finally, we had reached the last course. dessert.
-- yellow 2 layer cake with rich, creamy chocolate frosting

and one musn't forget the drinks. we began with some form of liquor (i'm not sure which variety, exactly) .. served in the very small glasses. we toasted the grandson because it was his birthday, and then drank. made for a nice sort of 'burning' sensation in the back of my throat. i wasn't quite sure what to expect, which didn't help. but i've been told that such drinks to help to keep one warm :) then we were offered either beer or mineral water. all but one person took the beer, which happened to go quite nicely with a number of tastes. between the fish and the chicken, we were also offered espresso, which more than half of us enjoyed.

and there's also the feast of conversation. because most of those there have known each other for years and years, there was a great freedom of topics and opinions. a few of the ideas touched upon include: tv shows, how they had met, politics, present-day education, travel, children and grandchildren, best kind of coffee, locations and how things have changed over time in this city, religions and beliefs, foreigners, telling jokes, languages (and that the most beautiful is, of course, romanian :), what i am doing here and why i was at lunch, and also many compliments about the food and a couple requests for recipes.

i was one of the first to leave, and it was almost 5 by that time. so we ate and talked together for three and a half hours. i say again.. feast!

what a gift .. to be included in such a gathering.
and even to understand most of what was said.

one of those old commandments

2008-08-17T22:15:00.002+03:00

today at church, my pastor talked about the first two commandments in exodus 20 (there are 10 total commandments, you know :) .. and the second one is about how the children of Israel were not to have idols. then we looked in deuteronomy 18.9-13 .. where we read that they were not to make idols or sacrifice to them or practice witchcraft or any of that. in those days, one practice was to sacrifice children to a god named molech, burning them on an altar. this is utterly detestable. really.

our pastor said he is deeply saddened that so often our children are still sacrificed. i hadn't ever quite used those words before, but it's true. they can be sacrificed to the idols of power .. money .. convenience .. selfishness .. career .. family .. relationships .. entertainment .. the list goes on. some of these are actually good things. but when we choose them over God, they become bad. really bad. our God has given us some wonderful things, but when we choose to honor ourselves or these good things in place of Him .. everyone suffers. and children most certainly suffer. this plays out in all different ways, but it's pretty easy to think of somebody we know who this might apply to. may we have eyes to see the idols we are placing before God in our own lives, and courage to ask Him to tear down the idols that God, and God only may have first place in our lives.

reasons i'm grateful today

2008-07-11T19:37:00.002+03:00

i have no plans until 6pm tonight! (in contrast with most of the days in recent past and days to come in the near future)

there is a beach and beautiful lake just a short four blocks away

the number of amazing people who i've been able to meet with in the past week, be encouraged by, share stories (and often food!) with, reconnect with

the fact that i don't have to commute everyday to work (because my typical 'commute' includes a 5-10 minute walk :)

having friends who lent me a vehicle for a week .. no questions asked, no worried phone calls .. just keys and 'see you in a week'

experiencing chicago traffic (plus construction plus rush-hour) .. and being oh so grateful that when i go somewhere and expect it to take an hour, it usually does .. not the three hours that such a 'one-hour' drive took yesterday

my God really does provide all that i need.

stories stories stories!

that the friends i'm staying with let me do their dishes. (really. it took a bit of convincing .. but somehow i relate being able to do dishes with whether or not i'm a 'guest' or can really feel at home.)

having friends who let me hug them and who hug me back

a new journal with pages and pages of white waiting to be filled and written on and drawn on in any and every direction in a variety of colors (and perhaps a couple of languages?!)

a breakfast of yogurt and granola and blueberries and two mugs of coffee

did i say friends yet? :)

at the frankfurt airport

2008-06-04T17:23:00.002+03:00

i spent about 4 hours in frankfurt yesterday, about halfway through my 26 hours of travel from iasi (in northeastern romania) to atlanta (in southeastern america). living in romania, i miss having a wide diversity of race, ethnicity, language. sure, there are people who come to iasi to study medicine from africa and the middle east, and a few other foreigners - but the majority of people are romanian or gypsy, and generally pretty homogeneous. so .. i spent at least an hour of my time just standing and people watching. and then took some time to write down some of my thoughts.

and i saw people from china, japan, korea .. from the middle east .. from india .. from africa .. from northern europe .. and even from america :)

i am pretty sure that i heard german, romanian, english, russian, chinese, arabic, and italian. and those are just the ones that i recognized!

a strange euphony of images --
a nun wearing the clothes of the order mother teresa started, as well as one in regular black habit
a man in a blue striped shirt with a matching blue striped bag
random employees on bicycles
piercing sunlight through the sunroof for a short five minutes
wealthy westerners eating at a fancy restaurant
thirty young africans sitting on the floor waiting hours for their flight
parents with children wandering up and past and around and over and behind and through
beautiful women in indian saris
a sunburned traffic controller with a fluorescent yellow vest
american girls in immodestly short shorts
a man sprinting to catch his plane
the easy coherence of european fashion
english being heard from every race and ethnicity and age

3 rather unconnected thoughts

2008-04-23T15:19:00.003+03:00

e vremea lalelelor!
meaning .. it's the season for tulips! (that's romanian, if you weren't sure :) they are all over the city. in the garden we have in front of our center, in all the middle of the big roundabouts, in many yards, in almost all the parks around the city. bunches and bunches of them. all sorts of different colors. beautiful!

a rainy day
there was storm last night and it hasn't really stopped raining since then. when much of the population walks, it makes for some interesting interactions. probably about 50% of the people outside have umbrellas, and when a number of umbrellas suddenly become close, there's the quick adjustment of some lifting higher or lower or moving slightly one direction or another, or tilting this way or that. like a game. and some people aren't very good at playing.. :) but fun to watch and be aware of.

i'm 'fascinating'
okay. this sounds really proud to say. but there's a story behind it. so .. i went to visit my language teacher (aka romanian grandmother) today, and a good friend of hers also came to visit. who is also a grandmother. and she was recently helping her granddaughter with homework, and she's supposed to think of a person who is fascinating to her. she said most people will pick an actor or actress but she didn't want to. so she asked her grandmother. and her grandmother said, 'well i know this young woman who could be out at all the discotheques with boys and having fun in life, but instead she chose to leave her parents and come to romania to help people. that's fascinating to me.' wow. i'm praying and hoping that somehow as i stand out to her as 'strange' and 'interesting', i can point to Someone bigger and much more fascinating and Good. made me smile, anyway.

what can you get for 9.60 lei*?

2008-04-15T15:24:00.002+03:00

*equivalent to about $4.25

well, this last sunday, it was worth the following:

2 hours of beautiful music at the philharmonic

a chance to hear a stradivarius violin (aka the most expensive kind of violin, because of the maker and because they make such beautiful sounds)

a reminder of all sorts of words i learned when i was studying the violin .. pizzicato, not having a swan wrist, double stops ..

getting to watch a violinist who loves playing the violin (and let it show!)

watching his facial expressions as a way to understand the music better .. and a way to see what is a bit more difficult and what is just fun to play (i find that violinists (and other musicians?) often have very expressive eyebrows and lips when they are in the midst of deep concentration to play something they love)

three encores .. if the audience hadn't been so antsy, they might have kept at it for a few more hours

a refreshment for my soul, and a good way to celebrate beauty on the Sabbath

you know you're reading war and peace when..

2008-03-28T12:53:00.002+02:00

you have been reading a book for almost 4 months and aren't done yet

you recently read a page with a palindromic number .. that had four numbers (1001)

you are more than two thirds finished, and what's left is still longer than your typical entire book

you read a name like "bezukhov" and you have a mental picture in your head, and know how he grew up and how he came into money, and who he's married to, and what sorts of questions he regularly asks of life

you know more about the russian wars in the early 1800s (and Napolean and Russian life) than you ever learned in high school history class

you are enjoying the book, and recently thought .. oh no! there are only 400 pages left (in that you aren't sure if you want the story to end or not)

yesterday was a good day

2008-03-26T16:54:00.004+02:00

things i enjoyed yesterday:

waking up before my alarm went off

drinking good coffee while still in my comfy pajamas

getting a surprise call from a friend in the States

a brisk walk to and from the grocery store

finding zucchini at the grocery store

reading a good chunk of a book

making a new dish, and it actually turning out alright

having the team over for dinner together

eating something both healthy and tasty

sharing fresh cookies with the team

praying together .. listening to God together

warm tea on a chilly night

a surprise call from my family

wearing a bright green new-ish shirt

scenes from thursday

2008-03-13T16:38:00.003+02:00

-- on the tram --
this particular morning on the tram there aren't too many people - some grandmothers and grandfathers who were just at the market getting fresh produce, some high school kids going to school, some professionals who start their day a bit later. people are still wearing coats because it's march and that's the way it's supposed to be - but they are thinner than a month ago. everyone is staring out the window or carefully past one another, not making eye contact unless absolutely necessary. at the next stop, a couple climb the steps and walk down the aisle. they are from the country, with hands and bodies that have clearly known hard work. the man has lines on his weathered face that emanate sadness. they sit down in the middle of the tram and begin to talk. this man has a voice like no other. it's a deep bass, and a bit nasal. at first it's hard to tell if he is talking or simply mumbling to himself in sounds that don't make coherent sense. but the woman answers back, and as time goes on those on the tram begin to understand his speech. somehow it has changed the atmosphere of the tram. this voice that seems to come from his bowels and rattles the chests of those around him has had its effect.

-- teasing children --
four elementary school boys walk down the street. they've clearly just gotten out of school, and with the warm weather, their coats hang at odd angles from their backpacks. they were all walking forward down the sidewalk, but turned backward and making some kind of noise. as they get closer, it becomes apparent they are making kissing noises. as the corner comes into view, there is a boy talking to a girl. in third or fourth grade, this is still an awkward behavior and his friends are making sure he knows it. the faces of the two are bright red, but have big smiles on them. ah .. boys of any age ..

-- getting older --
a woman, in her mid-20s walks into her apartment building and pulls out her keys to check her mailbox in the entryway. she pulls out her mail and closes the box, and a man enters behind her. he says "mrs." and hands her a bill for the electricity, and then proceeds to put them in other boxes. she holds her mail in one hand and opens her door with the other, reflecting to herself that she has never been called 'mrs.' before.

me? running?!

2008-03-08T14:03:00.002+02:00

about a month ago i started working out with one of my teammates. and it had been a while. but i've wanted to work on my running, because really -- it's generally more like huffing and puffing for a minute or two and then walking and trying to catch my breath. at this gym there are treadmills. the first time, i actually was able to run (jog is probably a much better word) for 12 minutes. granted, one is only supposed to be on the treadmill for 15 minutes at this particular gym (and many in this country. strange!), but i ran as much as i could and then walked the rest. it's been encouraging. every day when i go, i run for 15 minutes (or walk/run) and then do abs, lift some weights, use some machines. and i've been going twice a week for 4 weeks now.

yesterday, when i went, i ran for 20 minutes. (i know, it's only supposed to be 15, but everybody else was using some other machine and i figured.. i could do an extra five.) i'm pretty sure that never in my life have i run for that long. and i was doing 7 miles an hour speed, which means that i ran a bit more than 2 miles. wow!! (okay, now i'm having doubts. it might be in kilometers .. which would mean i did much much less, but i'm hoping that it's in mph?) anyway, i ran for 20 minutes without stopping. which is quite exciting. hopefully as i keep going in the morning (when there are fewer people at the gym) i can run a bit longer and a bit faster and we'll see what happens!

makes me feel healthy - this working out. and running. and actually doing some ab-work. not that it means i'll necessarily lose weight, but hopefully i will become healthier as well as more in-shape and able to do daily activities without working at it. that's the plan, anyway!

stories..

2008-02-17T16:43:00.004+02:00

"the role of stories: we live our lives by stories we tell about ourselves and that others tell about us. these stories actually shape reality in that they construct and constitute what we see, feel, and do." -- gerald corey

i love stories. about almost anything. especially if they are about people. getting to sit down and hear someone's story, what their life has been like, what their dreams are ... mmm. makes me happy. we've been having a dialog group once a month for the past 4 (or so) months, with both romanians and americans. one of my teammates is working on a long-distance degree in human development so is reading and encountering all sorts of interesting information. he's wanted to take this information and create dialog (with both americans and romanians .. especially those who work with and among the poor), and last week we talked about stories. not only personal stories, but also cultural stories. national stories.

for instance, there is the 'american dream' and talk about equality, independence, freedom. these are ideals and therefore aren't always practiced, but they are some examples of how americans seen themselves .. and how others see them too. this is a relatively positive national story. other nations might have a more negative story. take romania, for instance .. where corruption & submission to someone more powerful have been and still are part of the story, in many ways. (one is too positive and the other is too negative. both forms of pride, in their own ways. neither country is perfect or realistic.)

if i view my nation and culture a certain way, the way i view myself is also affected. and probably i fit into that story, one way or another. what would it mean to change the story? to believe that i could be someone who doesn't need to seek money and security first of all (vs. the american dream)? or to believe that i could be a person who loves others and doesn't always choose my own interests over the interests of another? it seems like believing the story can have a different ending (or even a different middle) takes hope. is a way to hope .. rewriting the story and aiming for change is a tangible way to counteract the lies we are told.

and clearly, i think the best way to change the story is to make it more like the Story. the Story that has a good God, and a Son who chose to come to earth as a frail human to save humans from their sinful selves, and grace and forgiveness that don't make sense, and a cross and an empty tomb, and the sun coming up tomorrow. how much do we actually believe the Story that we are told in the Letter from our Father? how far we all have to go .. and yet, there is somehow enough grace to fill the space from here to Home.

all that from a regular piece of paper?!

2008-02-10T16:09:00.001+02:00

someone recently sent me an email with some wonderful one-page pieces of artwork. and somehow that led me to a website for a man named peter callesen.

if you have a few minutes, you might enjoy taking a look at his sight. enjoying some art. taking in pieces of beauty. being amazed that out of a simple piece of paper can come things so intricate. laughing to think about taking a pair of scissors yourself to a similar regular 8.5 x 11 (or 8.2 x 11.5, as the case may be..?) sheet of paper and coming up with anything remotely similar. i guess lots and lots of practice might be involved. (i haven't yet looked at all his varieties of art work, but hope to slowly take them in during the next few days.)

anyway.
something to enjoy.
peace to you.

some real dancing!

2008-02-08T15:42:00.000+02:00

wednesday i got to teach dance to our girls. which is quite a landmark. for that to make sense, a bit of background. i grew up dancing. once or twice a week since i was 4. then in high school, it became 3-5 times a week. at least. and i loved it. some people do varsity sports -- i did dance company and children's dance theater. two good programs. all of which to say, dance is something that comes rather naturally to me, and which i love to do. but i forget that sometimes. i forget how free i can feel when i dance. and how excited i can get about moving. and trying to figure out how to share my love for movement and physical expression (and the beauty of good dance) with others.

so wednesday, i had an hour and a half or so with 4 teenage girls and one other staff person. i didn't know this would happen for sure until tuesday afternoon, and was busy tuesday night. so wednesday morning found me in my apartment trying to find music and exercises to do with them. thinking back to my time at CDT, and the internship that i did senior year of college teaching a number of friends about my style of dance. doing some warm-ups, creating a short pattern, thinking about how to teach them about time, space, and energy (three elements of dance)...

it went pretty well. i showed them a short video, and there were mixed reactions. but 4 of the 6 girls were ready to try it. and they did put themselves into it, working to understand how i moved and move in a similar way. my pattern wasn't particularly easy (which i will fix next time i do this) but they tried it and even wanted to add one of the warm-up exercises to it from the beginning of 'class'. so they got involved in it, and participated, and would do so again (i asked to make sure).

good signs:
-- my brain is already going, thinking about what i'd most like to teach them and what might be ways to do so. interesting ways that involve creative thinking and movement that is 'outside the box'.
-- i was sore yesterday (and a bit today) .. what with my practicing beforehand and then actually doing, i did quite a bit of movement. and apparently haven't been doing enough recently.
-- while we were ice skating today (we took all our kids for a treat, and they enjoyed themselves), i was dancing to the music a bit and being reminded how much i like to use my body
-- did i mention being sore? it hurts, but it also makes me happy because it means i actually worked

adjusting. again.

2008-01-26T17:53:00.000+02:00

it's official. i have now traveled around the world. in less than 80 days (planes do make it a bit easier :) quite amazing. still hard to believe that i got to do something i've talked about and thought about .. and that it's finished. weird. but i'm not opposed to doing it again. should the opportunity present itself! and the time and the money and all that...

as i return to life in romania, there are a variety of things to become re-adjusted to. particularly since my last three weeks were in cambodia. here are a few that spring to mind:
- taking showers with warm water
- being cold .. one isn't cold much when the temperature is always above 80
- wearing socks again. and long sleeve shirts. and sweaters. and hats. and...
- not getting to ride any more motos :(
- sleeping in the same place for more than 4 days (and even more than a week!)
- not getting to ride any more planes for a while
- actually understanding the 'strange language' i hear around me (some of it, at least)
- washing my own laundry and cooking my own food
- not eating yummy fresh fruit every day (at least such a large variety)
- being able to brush my teeth and not worry about the water
- no more squattie potties :(

well .. that's all i can think of at the moment. lots of adjusting. but it's good to be 'home' in romania. and there are good things here. getting to be present again in another place.

some 'stats'

2008-01-23T15:46:00.000+02:00

we thought that some numbers would be fun .. as a way to do a bit of summary. so ..

20 - days we spent in cambodia (+1 for abi)
9 - different beds that we slept in
133 - bugbites on abi on the worst day
7 - modes of transportation (airplane, car, moto wagon aka tuk tuk, moto, bus, boat, walking)
0 - bad meals eaten
2 - dollars spent on a cambodian skirt (similar to a sarong)
6 - dollars to get an hour massage
3 - varieties of bananas (that actually tasted like banana is supposed to taste!)
6 - new fruits eaten (jackfruit, dragonfruit, mien, sapadilla, milkfruit, and green oranges)
8 - average hours of sleep a night (just a guess)
85 - average temperature (F) during our visit as a guess

all around ..
very wonderful to be here.
in southeast asia.
with amazing people.

oh Asia, how loved by your true self company is

2008-01-22T17:58:00.000+02:00

In honor of my last night in Cambodia, I thought I'd write a brief post about what I find most amusing here: memorable use of the English language on signs and merchandise. Up the road from us there's a sign for the "organization to help the miserable corpses." None of our friends know exactly what they do, but it sounds quite compassionate. We shared a good chuckle in a stationary store today, taking in the array of notebooks and journals. I picked up a few...

Trendy journal #1 says (A little like 2 Peter 1:5-7 but without the divine inspiration):
"If the change in heart, with
your attitude change;
Attitudes change, and you
change with the habit;
Habits change, and you
change with the character;
Personality changes your
life with change; In good
times Thanksgiving, in the
face of adversity still feel joy,
seriously live in the present."

The second journal has bubbly anime-like characters on the cover.
"Hello!
How beautiful
you are
my beloved,
how beautiful!
Your eyes are
soft like doves
My fair one,
and come away
I'm in love
with you
We can have fun in this woods!"

Song of Solomon, anyone?

(aside by abi .. if shelly's current life plans don't work out, there is always the option of writing ads and inspirational poems such as these. also .. there's always karaoke...)

Easily amused as always and forever, fill your souls soul with good thots and dreams,
Shelly

(Another thing we love here: bubble tea... mmm...)

a bit of the arts in cambodia

2008-01-20T10:51:00.000+02:00

last night we had the pleasure of going to a shadow puppets performance. which is a tradition in cambodia. there was a story .. about a man who falls in love with a woman and chases after her. there is a battle (or two?), flying monkeys, and a couple of people who fall. all told with cambodian music, big puppets (maybe 3 feet tall and 2 feet across or so?), lights on both sides of a screen, a bit of dialog (in khmer), and traditional dance. wonderful!!

i haven't been to a real dance performance in a long time. a very long time. there have been a few 'amateur dance' things that i've seen, but last night something in my soul went "aahhh." something forgotten and ignored given room to breathe. makes me want to dance more (which is a good thing, as long as i don't ignore it again).

so the dance and shadow puppets ..
- the dancing is all very controlled
- slow and precise
- practiced since they were 8 or 9 (and i'd guess that most of the dancers were in their 20s and 30s)
- flexed feet and hands (so it looks like they curve backwards)
- exact movements with each finger and elbow going the right direction
- women with smaller motions, feet close together (although turned out), and most things close to their core
- men with larger motions, wide stance, loud feet periodically, climbing on each others' shoulders once or twice
- shadow puppets with the light behind the scrim (so they were silhouettes) getting bigger and smaller, sometimes being large enough that the whole screen became almost black
- the uniqeness and intricacy of the puppets -- they are made of leather, with beautiful coloring that was visible even on stage, let alone after the performance with the lights on full blast. almost like a relief print

what a gift .. arts in another culture. and people to enjoy them with. thanks, God, for color and beauty and dance and bodies that can express ideas and truth and relationship. and understanding even though the words were incomprehensible!

Exotic beach or ancient ruins?

2008-01-12T14:15:00.000+02:00

I'm writing from an internet cafe in Sihanouk Ville. If it were daylight, I could catch a glimmer of the ocean from the storefront windows. Ahhh. A trip to the beach was not in our original plans, but our host graciously suggested it as an alternative to Angkor Wat. I know, I know, we're in Cambodia and we're not going to see the temple ruins. Sorry if that's grossly disappointing to any of you. I suppose it's comparable to going to Egypt without visiting the pyramids. But, after a week FULL of travel, new culture & experiences, having some space to process has been helpful...

The beach we're staying next to is rather busy. Vendors selling fruit, bracelets, offering to give manicures are prevalent, so it's not exactly a quiet place... but it is beautiful. The ocean water is clear and warm. The sun is hot, the breeze is cool. There are quite a few tourists from Europe and Australia... but it still feels distinctly, distinctly like we're in Cambodia and unlike any other "tourist zone" I've visited.

Praise God for good health and the companionship of Matt and Heather Allen, a young couple that joined the InnerCHANGE team a few months ago. We're heading back to the big city tomorrow and will travel to Kampong Cham this week as well. Someone is shooting fireworks off in the distance. Anyway, thanks for reading, more to come.

Peace! Shelly

photos and more

2008-01-08T09:56:00.000+02:00

for two days we stayed in a very poor part of the city. it's on the edge of a lake and most (if not all?) of the houses are built over the lake. this lake looks somewhat swamp-like in places because there are lots of plants in it, as well as a wide variety of garbage. most of the people seem to use it for their dump. which isn't horrible .. except that during the rainy season, the water level rises so much that to get to their houses people must walk through the water .. and with all the garbage and small living things mixed in, that isn't a very healthy thing for them or their feet. they have a word for it, in fact, translating to "water eats feet". being in our friend's house, the floor was built directly over the water. it was a bit surreal to walk around and see water moving beneath us. but we didn't fall through!

This is a view from the porch at our friend's house. He has a nice porch, maybe 12 feet by 6 feet? Both nights we stayed in his neighborhood, we ate dinner with our host family (who are also his landlords and live next door to him) on the porch, with thin pillows to sit on, bamboo mats under us, and yummy cambodian food. It has been rather warm during the days, but in the morning and evening, it is marvelous! With a gentle breeze off the lake and the sun setting it's just about perfect. In this neighborhood poverty is very present, so there are a number of things that are harder to look at and to see. But there are also beautiful things -- colorful sunsets, children with welcoming smiles, people who really care about their neighbors, hardworking and resourceful women, chubby men shamelessly bathing in the streets (wearing a skirt, of course!).

one wonderful thing about cambodia .. the food! last night we were treated to a meal with a family of eight that live and work here. the mother does a wonderful job of taking care of her six kids, including cooking healthy food for them. we got to help cut up vegetables, including carrots, cucumber, tomato, onion, green onion, mushroom, garlic and eggplant. there was also meat, of course! the final product was just the right way to end our day together. some common things in cambodian food are rice, garlic, fish sauce, and wide variety of vegetables. with the warm weather they have fresh produce all year round (i think) .. which is reflected in their stir fry and "amok" (yes. that is one of the kind of dishes they serve here. seriously.) and loc lak. mmm... everything so far is tasty. the best new fruit that we've eaten is called "dragon fruit". it is a kind of purple pink color, on the inside it's white with lots of seeds, with the same consistency as a kiwi and a similar flavor, although not quite as strong. very very good!

Funny questions

2008-01-07T05:37:00.000+02:00

We've been warned to expect being asked silly questions when shopping in the market place. (Not that we're going to understand them...) Foreigners are intriguing and strange here, so possible questions include:
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
What size shoe do you wear?
Why aren't you married yet?!
How much did that shirt cost you?
Etc.

Last night, missionary Kent asked Shelly, "What's your favorite creative expression?" Missionary Hayden responded, "That's like asking a parent, 'Which is your favorite child?'" Hear, hear.

There are probably a lot of funny questions that people in the community were asking about us... but sometimes it's nice not understanding everything. Or anything.

in cambodia. for real!

2008-01-05T09:40:00.000+02:00

i am in cambodia! in phnom penh, the capital. it's winter here, so during the day it's only in the 80s. it promises to be even warmer before the three weeks i'm spending here will be up. especially after temps in the 20s and 30s being the norm for the past few weeks or longer. but, for now it's nice to wear sandals and not worry about bringing a coat anywhere. i can't describe all that i have seen and experienced, even though i only arrived late last night. one major blessing is that the whole time i am here, my friend and colleague, shelly, is here. we communicate with each other pretty well, and are both artists and introverts. so it is a gift to be here together, experiencing this together! here are a few snapshots in words. (for the next few weeks, both shelly and i will be sharing our thoughts here. one possible way to differentiate between us might be the use of caps... :)

- one of the teammates lives in a very poor part of town, on the north edge. it turns out that most of the houses are built over the small lake. as we walked through his house and were able to rest a bit, we looked down and could see water through the floorboards. there are open windows and nice breezes, although the lake isn't the cleanest water i've seen...

- traffic flows pretty well. lots of motos (like small motorcycles), a few cars, some motos pulling small covered wagons that will seat 4-6 people easily, and a few bicycles and pedestrians. if it's hard to make a left turn, one might pull into oncoming traffic and slowly work one's way onto right into the correct side of the street. there are lights, but apparently they are fairly new and also somewhat optional. but .. no accidents so far. people seem pretty adept at avoiding others and knowing exactly how big their vehicle is.

- Dave Everitt's thoughtful words to ponder, spoken over breakfast: "Compelled is when my heart can't say no." (This refers to his compelling sense of call to the rural people of Cambodia.)

- Here's something else we've learned. Having a long nose and light skin makes you beautiful here. Who knew. Strange how different people develop ideals of beauty. From our end, (speaking for Abi too), we have seen many BEAUTIFUL people. Kind smiles, warm big brown eyes. Curious and gracious.

- squatty potties. woo hoo!!

Cheers and God's peace!
Abigail and Shelly

jet lag

2007-12-30T07:55:00.000+02:00

at the moment, i'm in korea. which is sixteen hours ahead of where my parents are, meaning that it's 7 in the morning there and it's 11 at night here. in romania, where i have been and will be returning, it's 4 in the afternoon. hard to keep the differences straight.

i arrived here in the evening a few days ago, and neglected to reset the time on my watch. i don't wear a watch, but figured that with all the traveling i have been doing a watch would be very helpful. with the direction i'm traveling, it's really easy to fall asleep and also easy to wake up early, often sometime between 5.30 and 6.30. when i woke up the morning after arriving, i looked at my watch and it said 1.15 in the afternoon. then i was able to find a clock on the wall that said 5.15 in the morning. a few hours later i opened my computer which is still set to romania time, and by that time it said 1 or 2 in the morning. whoa .. no wonder my body is a bit confused! my mind is too :)

but things haven't been too bad .. i've been able to sleep at least 6 hours every night, and go back to sleep when i wake up early at least a few times. and my siblings (who i'm with) like going to bed sometime between 10 and 11 .. which is very nice for my sleepiness. something i'd like to keep up, as a matter of fact .. going to bed sometime around that and getting up a bit earlier. although 5.30 still seems a bit too early if you ask me. (some others wouldn't agree .. but God made all kinds of people!)

and having problems with sleep is well worth it, if it means that i get to see people that i love. and go new places and experience new things and taste new foods and build relationship and deepen relationship and learn and discover and ... mhmmm. good things. although i am glad that i don't always travel. it's nice to have a place to call home. and the place that i currently call home is a place that i miss now. not so much that i need to buy a plane ticket right now, but enough that i will be excited to return, and that i am reminded to pray for people i know who are still there.

communion

2007-12-25T07:33:00.000+02:00

today at our Christmas eve service, i got to take communion for the fourth time in less than two weeks. you might think that's a bit much .. but some people take it every day. and i've been averaging about once a month, so it's nice to have an abundance for a few days. each time, there have been different ideas that God has brought to mind. tonight, i was aware of the weightiness of choosing to follow God.

our paster (the one at my church in salt lake) talked a bit about the gifts that God has to give us. first of all is the gift of His Son. (clearly!) but then there are other gifts, like grace. and forgiveness. and ... the list could go on a long time. and in return, He asks us to give back to Him. to choose Him. to love Him more than we love things, more than we love friends, more than we love family .. to follow Him even if it means leaving much that we love. because He is good and if He wants us to go somewhere, it must be the best place for the next season. not the easiest place, or the warmest place, or the most beautiful place .. but the place where He will grow us and make us more like Him, the place where He will be glorified, the place where He is present and ready to bring His Kingdom even more. and as i took communion, i again told God that i will follow Him. even if it means some of the things above will be true. because He has put this deep love for Himself in me that i cannot deny, and i believe in the depths of my soul that His plans are the best ones. even if it means i have to say 'goodbye' waaaaaayyyy too often.

three old friends

2007-12-11T20:51:00.000+02:00

my language teacher recently broke her leg. this is bad in any case .. but when one is 81 or 82 .. it can be pretty bad. the amazing thing .. this woman has been living in the same city for many years now (since before high school) .. and she happens to have a few friends that she has known almost that long. of the three that i've met so far, one has known her for 70 years -- and the other two for 50 years. that is amazing! talk about longevity of friendship and depth of relationship.

the other day, two of them were over and chatting with her, and taking care of her. asking to make sure that she was comfortable, adjusting her blankets to make sure that she was warm, trying to get her to eat more food (that they had brought!), all in all being wonderful to her. it was good to see that, to see how they care for each other and how comfortable they are together. talking over each other, asking about each other's kids and grandkids, catching up on all the people in their families .. very amazing. the people that i've been friends with longest (other than family!) are from seventh grade, and i don't talk to them all that often. the people i'm closest to are people i met in college, which means at the most i've known them for six years. guess we've got a long way to go!!

random happenings

2007-11-29T14:42:00.001+02:00

a number of things have happened in the last week or so, that i'd like to write about. they don't have a particular theme or order, so here they are as they come to mind.

- i made pumpkin pie twice. two pies each time. from scratch. mmm... very tasty! got to eat some myself, as well as share with kids and staff at the office, teammates, and a friend.

- i washed a 'load of laundry' .. by hand. this is something many romanians as part of their regular routine. i had washed an article of clothing periodically by hand, but never a whole load. it takes lots of energy! the rinsing and wringing out at the end sure can make one's hands tired and sore. and arms too. i'm glad that i have friends with washers, but it's good to experience this a bit.

- it snowed! just enough to dust the ground in the early morning, disappearing by mid morning. but nice that there is some actual winter and cold weather.

- we started doing a bit of waltzing with our kids (because there was the possibility of a dance performance. we are forgoing this one, but still plan to do something in the future). some of them already knew a little bit, and one in particular knows what he's doing, in terms of the basic step. he's graceful and quite light on his feet. nice to get to do a bit of dancing too. tomorrow we'll watch some videos from youtube and practice some more. hopefully i can find some slower music!

- watched 'a christmas story' this past weekend for the first time all the way through. my roommate has quoted a few things to me from it periodically, so it was nice to finally see where the quotes come from. it's not my favorite movie, and it's a bit weird, but certainly has some funny parts in it. and glad that i've finally seen it (more than the bits and pieces as i looked at what was on tv during the christmas season in years past).

- led team prayer. and used music to do it. listened to and sang worship songs, with specific people and places and requests in mind. haven't done that in a while, but i was amazed at the way it was so easily and quickly prayer and concentrated focus on God and what He's doing. glad that there are so many ways to pray .. and that we have a God who really does hear and respond.

a bit of sunshine

2007-11-06T16:39:00.000+02:00

i've been surprised lately at how important sunshine can be. i returned from my trip to a week of cloudly, chilly days, and by the end of it my spirits were rather down. and it took lots of energy to get of bed in the mornings. then one day there were blue skies. it was amazing! i got out of bed a bit more easily, i could breathe more easily, i looked up periodically .. i felt refreshed somehow. it's been alternating the past couple of weeks .. some days there's bright sunshine and blue skies, and other days it's cloudy without any sun to be seen. i've been enjoying the sunshine whenever it makes an appearance.

to add insult to injury (meant in a not mad way), when i talked with my sister on sunday, she commented that her legs hurt. i asked why .. because she and her husband participated in an ultimate frisbee game the day before and she got sunburned on her neck and shoulders and back of her legs. somehow.. i didn't feel sorry for her. it's gonna be a while before i get a sunburn again. many many moons. ah well. there are things to enjoy here too .. like warm blankets and hot tea in the evenings and radiators that work and fun hats and scarves and wool sweaters and squash soup.

3 weddings (but no funeral :)

2007-10-30T16:07:00.000+02:00

so .. recently i had the great gift of being able to be at a friend's wedding. it happened to be in turkey :) .. which means i also got to be in a new place and meet some new people and see new things and taste yummy new foods. after knowing my friend in college, it was wonderful to meet her parents and some friends, to be at her home, to spend time with her there. and also to meet her fiance (now husband) and his family.

as for the three weddings .. there was a legal one, a turkish one, and one in english. which meant there were also quite a few jokes about them being 'two-thirds married' and 'the third time you get married' and that sort of thing. one part of being there which was so encouraging was that we were all Family. so with all the things to be done, preparations to be made, setting up on the last day, preparing food for all the people there .. it all got done. an hour before the last wedding (which was outside at their house) i went to ask my friend's mom if there was anything else to be done, and she turned to me and said she couldn't think of anything. she went to check on one thing but that was it. what a gift .. so after people worked hard to prepare, the last hour before the wedding was about enjoying people, having good conversations, actually sitting down and taking a few breaths. a good gift from Dad.

i went expecting to watch the wedding from the audience. thursday night i asked my friend if i needed to be there for the rehearsal, and she turned to me with a sorta grin and said, "i guess i forgot to ask you... would you help serve communion at the wedding?" i gladly agreed, but we laughed together about that. then at the rehearsal, there was a song with an echo, and i knew it so was singing along with the man at the mic with his nice voice and guitar. oddly -- there was another microphone set up, but nobody singing. the song stopped and the groom said he was hoping somebody would sing the echo, and everybody turned around to look at me. so .. i ended up singing that song. and also the other ones that we sang at the wedding. very much a time of worship and celebration. and i certainly was involved!

and, of course .. there was dancing! i got to dance quite a bit .. a few swing dances (two with a guy who has had lots of practice and knows what he's doing!), some other random varieties, and even a sort of improved modern dance with my friend the bride. the people at the celebration exhibited some of the most freedom that i've seen in a long time in a community. like a big family .. so everybody danced, uncles and little kids and the bride and the groom and the cooks. good to see such freedom and real rejoicing.

perfect timing

2007-09-28T17:53:00.000+03:00

i recently moved into a new neighborhood, and have been thinking and wondering about how to meet my neighbors. not an a loud american way, but in a more culturally sensitive (and personally appropriate) way. because romanians are fairly suspicious of strangers (a characteristic that was necessary for survival during communism), it's hard to meet people .. and to build relationship. especially with a foreigner who doesn't speak the language very well. but our Dad has a cool way of working things out .. in a way that does not bring honor to us but to Him. and that can help us trust Him more that He really does know what's best.

a few nights ago, i arrived home right before it got really dark. most of my thirty minute walk it was about 'dusk', and by the time i got home, it was getting past dusk to 'hard to see' and 'light in the sky but dark in the street. but when i got to the steps in front of the apartment block where i live, one of the kids that we work with was sitting there. he lives in the next building over (same building, different stairway, to be exact), and knows all the other kids and a fair number of the adults. he invited me to sit down, so i did .. and we had a nice 45 (or so) minute conversation. outside. so i got to meet a few of the other kids who came over to listen for a bit or to ask him a question or to just sit down and rest from a hard game of football (aka soccer). and some parents saw me sitting and talking to my friend. and i got to listen to some of his stories and how his day was and share what i think about imagination and hear some recipes. in fact, tomorrow he's coming over and we're going shopping and then he's going to teach me how to make bors. it's a sort of sour soup that romanians make. and it's very tasty. sounds like a nice way to spend a saturday afternoon to me!

house church .. and a cool image

2007-09-19T10:58:00.000+03:00

this past thursday i went to house church for the first time in a long while. with the busy-ness of the summer and the traveling and activities, it just didn't happen (and there were a few weeks where it didn't happen because everybody was on vacation!). it was nice to be back. and surprisingly, it was only females (except for the leader and his son). the main topic for the evening was what questions we would ask Jesus if he came and pulled up a chair on our circle. i love that image. i know that when two or three are gathered together in His name, He is present .. but thinking of Him being present in such a tangible way can be helpful. we each wrote down some of our questions and then shared them. it was great to hear some of the things others wonder about. and it got me thinking .. so here are some of the questions i'd love to sit down and ask Jesus and get an answer for! (i know i can do that in prayer .. but sometimes i'm still learning to hear His answers well.)

what do you have me in romania to do?
how do you specifically want me to spend my time?
why do you give people and then take them away?
how can i love you better?
how can i speak truth to "lisa" in a way that she'll understand?
what are you doing in my neighborhood?
is it part of your plan for me to get married?

hmmm... as i am writing these, i'm realizing that i feel fairly vulnerable. questions reveal a lot about a person. and these aren't all of my questions. but some that i feel comfortable sharing. if you want to comment and add some of your own .. please do. maybe writing them and acknowledging them will allow us to hear better.

7 random things

2007-09-01T10:48:00.000+03:00

long ago, amy over at experience imagination tagged me for a meme. and this particular one requires me to write seven random things about myself. and there are lots of random things to choose from, so ..

1. yesterday i played mafia with the jr high kids we work with, and i was the criminal three times in a row. and i don't even like mafia!
2. my ideal temperature is somewhere around 55 or 60 degrees .. cool enough to wear a sweater or long-sleeves and yet warm enough to be outside often
3. my inboxes collectively only have 24 emails at the moment
4. i could literally spend hours in a bookstore or library .. especially if the books are in english!
5. i have only ever dated one person
6. on average, i drink about 2 liters of water a day
7. for more than six years, i haven't lived in one place more than nine months

Rules: Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

as for those i am supposed to tag .. many people i know who blog don't do so very often .. so i'm gonna be lame and not tag anybody. sorry.

moving. again..

2007-08-31T14:50:00.000+03:00

today is friday. wednesday and thursday my roommate and i packed all of our things and moved them into our new apartment. for a variety of reasons. the main one being that our previous landlady asked us to move even though we had the contract for another six months. so we have a new place. it's smaller and unfurnished, so we have a bit of work to do (like buying a stove and a couch and a few other things we don't already have; painting everything; and deciding what goes where and how to organize our space) .. but i'm glad to have moved.

last night my roommate and teammate was figuring out some details with our new landlord. he lives in italy 11 months out of the year, so it's pretty important that we get things figured out while he's still easily reachable. they went to the building facing ours to talk with the administrator and one of the kids we work with was outside and directed them to the right place. when he saw my roommate, he asked her what she was doing. she said 'moving' and his face lit up. he talked about us being able to visit each other and come over to ask for a cup of sugar or some eggs if we needed it .. that sort of thing. another kid came by and also got really excited. which is really good to hear and to see. we talk about this ministry we want to do being 'life-on-life' .. that as we live together and as neighbors we all grow together. and that somehow God is seen in who we are, not just what we do. and the fact that we are so much closer to our kids (almost next door to a couple) means that perhaps we'll get to have that much more impact. we might have less privacy and space than we'd like or than we think we need .. but boundaries are important, and God is good at giving each of us what we need -- even if it's not exactly what we want or think we need :)

as we adjust to the new apartment and discover new things about it and our neighborhood, i'll try to keep you updated. since it's unfurnished we actually get to make it our own. which we're looking forward to. when we looked at the place we just left the last day, not much had changed - because so much of the things there were the landlords and not ours. so having a place that is ours to paint and decorate and arrange and really make home .. certainly feels like a gift

conference in hungary

2007-08-24T12:23:00.001+03:00

i'm sitting at the hotel in hungary, at the end of our four-day conference with CRM. and it has been wonderful to be here. the theme of the conference was rest .. so we talked about rest, got to practice a bit of rest, discussed in small groups what keeps us from rest, worshiped, and got to enjoy people. there were about 70 adults here for the conference, who are missionaries from all over the europe & this part of the world .. (hungary, france, russia, poland, uk, romania .. to name a few).

i'm part of innerchange, and innerchange is part of crm. i've spent a fair bit of time with ic people, but less time with crm - so being at this conference has been a gift. the people who are part of this organization are quality. some have been in missions almost as long as i've been alive, which is a bit mind-boggling. my three year commitment feels pretty wimpy. but then i remember that i'm only 24 and it's okay that i don't know what i'm gonna do for the rest of my life. God knows, and that's enough. it has been a blessing to spend time with people who have chosen to serve God overseas in cross-cultural contexts. have chosen and have been called. and encouraging to know that it's possible to stay in this sort of ministry for many many years. and to see that God does really call us to be faithful and not to be successful -- although sometimes he honors that faithfulness with great success and visible movements of people into His Kingdom. He is powerful, and He is moving. mmm.

summer camp

2007-07-30T18:03:00.000+03:00

we just returned from a four day camp (that included the 3-4 hours in a bus each way) with 14 junior high kids. it was full and busy and good. very enjoyable. it included ..

3 breakfasts & 3 lunches & 4 dinners with some form of pork

doing two french braids for lots of girls .. mabye 10 sets of hair?

playing a really fun game (sorta romanian dodgeball?) 5 or 6 times

hiking up a mountain with most of our kids and half our volunteers to see a beautiful landscape and valley with lots of green and space and even a lake we visited later the same day

two campfires (and s'mores one night!) and time to stare at the stars a couple nights

sleeping in little cabins that have two beds, a walkway between them, steep roofs and not much else

being cold! (with weather in the high 90s or so, it was refreshing to actually wear a fleece jacket and still be a little bit chilly!)

a few good discussions (both planned and spontaneous)

speaking romanian oh so much more than i could a year ago and even having trouble talking in english sometimes because i was so used to thinking in romanian .. woo hoo! progress is being made!

whoa .. people actually read this!?!

2007-07-29T18:26:00.000+03:00

did you notice that there have been over a thousand visitors?
(granted some of them are the same four or five who visit to check and see if i've actually written anything recently .. )
but still. that's kinda cool!
just wanted you to notice that.
and to say 'thanks' for reading!

hot hot hot

2007-07-25T19:38:00.000+03:00

in the past week, we've had temperatures in the low 100s. like 102 and 104. which, as you might imagine is really warm. but God is gracious, and there are gentle breezes sometimes and cooler weather today and nights that are a bit cooler. (although sometimes not as much as i'd like!) i've been rather amazed, though. usually when it's hot outside i'm complaining and not able to do much of anything. i haven't been super-active or productive, but life is continuing. and in the midst of the heat i'm able to find the shade as i walk, and enjoy the sunshine, and be glad for simple things.

maybe my body temperature has matured and i can take the heat better. or maybe it isn't really all that hot. or maybe i'm getting better at living in the moment and being glad for today. or maybe a combination of these things. but .. even in the heat, God is present and active! and being gracious and joyful on hot days is one way to enjoy him. crazy .. but true!

at the dog pound

2007-07-19T16:20:00.000+03:00

well .. it's officially been more than a month since my last post. and may be another month until i post again. but i guess that's alright. hopefully i'll create space to add more before then .. but we'll see.

last week we spent time with our kids at the dog pound. they wanted to help animals for the community service projects that we're doing this summer, so last week we visited the pound three times. to give the dogs some meat, as well as to take them for some walks and give them lots of attention and petting. but it got me to thinking .. (imagine that!)

about comparisons between these dogs and people. please give me some room .. these comparisons aren't perfect or even all that well-thought out, but they're still part of what's going on in my brain. God often teaches me things (and shows me things) through things i see in others or stories, so this was an ideal opportunity.

-- there were twenty or so dogs in a largish grassy area with a fence around them. when people were outside the fence, some of the dogs would come over to be petted without too much fear. but once people went inside the fence -- even if they squatted down and made gentle noises, no dogs would come close. they were too afraid. as humans we do this too .. when others are outside our walls, it's okay to talk to them a little bit and share a bit .. but once we've let them inside the walls (or even one set of walls), it gets scarier to let them see us as we are, and sometimes we just want to run away!

-- there's lots of barking at dog pounds. this seems universal .. but it struck me that so often humans are like that, trying to draw attention to 'me' so that i'll get my needs met. pushing others aside so that i get noticed.

-- a couple of the dogs that were chosen to be taken for walks didn't know what to do when they were outside their cage. one jumped all over the place and ran back and forth and was confused and not sure where to go or what to do. another pulled as hard as it could to get back into the cage, where it was safe. another laid down and wouldn't move. (this might have been due to the fact that it just wanted to be petted and didn't so much care for going walking..) but this seems true of people too .. we want to be given freedom to try new things and experience new places. but then when it's handed to us, we just don't know what to do and it's easy to be too scared to act at all.

-- dogs are with other dogs, but it seems like they are mean to be with humans. maybe not all of them .. but go with me on this. humans feed dogs, take them for walks, love them and pet them, give them safe places to sleep, etc. other dogs cannot do all these things. but i wonder if it's easy for dogs to look for other dogs to take care of them. like dogs .. humans look to each other for all our needs to be met, but it just isn't possible. we were created to be in relationship with someone Bigger, someone Wiser, someone more capable, someone who can actually care for us well. aka God. mmm... and He does care for us well!

please feel free to add your own thoughts or questions or doubts or reasons why what i wrote doesn't make sense. or just say hi :)

new feature

2007-06-17T19:31:00.000+03:00

so .. with my sister's help (yet again), i've added a new feature to my blog. i read other blogs, and sometimes there are thoughts or articles that i want to share. so now i can. and i've added to so far. if you have time, maybe they'll interest you as well.

and for the first two, i'll even add the reasons! 'what the world eats' is a photo essay and was just a good attention grabber, something to think about (i was gonna say good 'food for thought'.. :)

and the second is a woman i know from a church that i had the privilege of going to for two years. she posted her 100th post and did a list of 'favorites' or 'best' from the posts that she's done so far. and i'm quoted!?! wow. thanks, amy)

signs of summer

2007-06-17T18:47:00.000+03:00

i'm told it will keep getting hotter, and be above 40* during parts of july and august, but the weather recently has been plenty warm. (40*C is about 104*F!!) there are signs everywhere that it truly is the season ..

the 'z' on my feet caused by wearing my chaco sandals often. the way the straps are made, the part of my feet which does not see the sandals makes a nice white 'z' on each foot (although on my left foot it's backwards..)

i wore long sleeves and pants this morning to church because it was a cool 70* and i didn't want to get cold (especially if it rained... which it didn't)

i've seen more varieties of tank tops in the last two weeks than i thought possible (you can take you pick of which parts of your skin you'd like to show .. shoulders, back, belly, cleavage.. a large variety!)

the most common thing i see people eating as i'm walking around is not pretzels or sunflower seeds (as is usually the case) .. but ice cream, which can be found in at least half the stores here

sometimes at night, even a sheet is too warm to sleep under

the kids finished school this past friday, and there was an excitement in the air that afternoon .. there are more kids out and about, and the college students are getting ready to leave so their part of town is suddenly becoming very empty

it stays light until about ten in the evening. i'm sure it gets light early too .. but i haven't been up early enough to see it. when i wake up, the sun is always awake. (and i'm not confessing what time i usually wake up .. suffice it to say, there is no worm-getting :)

my favorite foods as of late have been fresh fruits and vegetables that require no heating or baking, so the apartment doesn't get any hotter than it needs to

before our 'cool weather' today, i hadn't even looked at my long-sleeved shirts for almost a month

yup. that's about all i can think of for the moment. i'm trying to enjoy summer and not wish for any other seasons, but simply be glad that God planned each of the seasons for their times.

baptism & communion

2007-06-12T12:57:00.000+03:00

hello there .. i'm still alive and well. and busy! but here's a short story..

this past sunday we had three baptisms at church. it was very enjoyable. each of them told part of their story and who God has shown Himself to be for them. and we sang some good songs, and prayed for them, and watched them get baptized. good times. and after that we had communion together -- their first communion and a time to be the Body of Christ together. when i was in college, i got to attend an anglican church for two years and we had communion together every sunday. which got me a bit spoiled, i suppose. but i miss the tangible reminder of who God is and who we are in Him. so it was good to have that this past sunday.

and what a good reminder that all over the world and throughout history there are innumerable Children of God who are part of Christ's Body. bigger than i can understand or grasp. and i'm glad that He can use symbols from 'daily life' to help us recall what He did, who He is, and who we are.

a traditional romanian wedding

2007-05-20T22:15:00.000+03:00

saturday night i had the privilege of being invited to an orthodox romanian wedding. not to the wedding itself, but to the reception afterward. our landlord's son was getting married, and they invited us because we (amy and i) had never been to an orthodox wedding before. so we got to experience it first hand. and what an experience!

the reception started at eight in the evening. we arrived about 8.15, but the party really didn't get started until 9.30 or so. what i mean by that is that the dancing started. and didn't stop. there would be breaks periodically, but only very rarely. so wonderful to see older couples dancing away. amazing that it's the norm for people to know how to dance well, and how to enjoy themselves that way. at some points there were more people on the dance floor than sitting down at the tables (which is a feat, considering that there were more than 100 people there). much of the music was older romanian music, so sometimes the singers had lots of 'accompaniment' with the guests joining in.

food is also very important .. various small sweets on the tables, as well as rolls, water, coke, and orange juice. each guest had 3 glasses -- one for white wine, one for a stronger alcohol (cognac for the men and something a bit sweeter for the women), and one for something non-alcoholic. romanians do like their drinking, that's for sure. the first plate of food was cold appetizers .. salami and cheese and chicken salad and a few other things. second -- chicken with a few vegetables and mamaliga (sorta like a tasty cornmeal mush). third -- fish with steamed mixed vegetables. fourth -- pork with potatoes. (all these were full plates -- it's important to have too much food, somehow. like you get what you pay for. the tradition is that you give not presents, but large amounts of money to help pay for what you ate and enjoyed and how you were entertained, as well as for the bride and groom.) then last, they had cake, of course! with maybe six or seven tiers? it was tall!

certainly an experience i'm glad for. but am glad it doesn't happen that often -- since the party started at 8 pm and when we left at 4 am, there were still hours of party left! a real celebration.

a walkway

2007-04-30T15:25:00.000+03:00

there's a walkway that i didn't discover until a couple of months ago. but since i moved, i've been using it a couple times a week. it's a footpath that goes over the train tracks and main train station, which is about 10 or 15 minutes from my place. this footpath is wide enough for three people to walk comfortably, but has a metal stripe down the middle because there's traffic moving both directions. it takes probably 3 or 4 minutes to walk from one end to the other, on wooden slats with metal on both sides and a bit overhead. it's always interesting to see the people i pass (and since i'm usually trying to make it somewhere on time, i'm generally walking rather quickly..). a wonderful variety of people. one of my teammates made a comment that it's the closest she comes to feeling like she's driving. in that it's like a two lane highway. and if you have to pass someone, you have to do it before the person coming the other direction reaches you so you don't get in their way or impede traffic. and going over train tracks. it's rather nice. that's what i wanted to share with you today. maybe i'll get a picture and post it. maybe..

'my place'

2007-04-23T12:23:00.000+03:00

so .. i've been a bit out of the loop in terms of internet and communication. two weeks ago i moved into my new apartment! which has been rather exciting. and it does indeed make me feel like i'm growing up (at least a bit!). in the next couple of weeks, amy will move in, but for the moment it's 'my apartment' and 'my space' -- but my space to share!

and sharing is something that i have indeed been doing.

17 tuesday .. had the team over for dinner, prayer, and a team meditation on purity (and i cooked my first meal for them .. spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and cookies!)

18 wednesday .. had a friend over after we went walking, and prepared dinner for her (which happened to look pretty similar to tuesday's dinner .. )

19 thursday .. got to spend the afternoon and evening with a friend (who happens to be the executive director of ic), and we also made dinner together in the evening

20 friday .. had my friend (who happens to be my team leader) over for dinner and some 'criminal minds' .. she brought some of the food for dinner, but we did prepare it together

21 saturday .. whole team and e.d. over. ate lunch together (with everybody bringing something), spent time reflecting and preparing for our new season as the ic romania team, played some games, watched an episode of 'alias' .. and just got to be present together

so .. 5 days in a row i had friends over and got to be hostess. to invite others into my space and to share life with them in a very tangible way. excited about what it means that i can invite people over to 'my apartment' with freedom. and i'm even enjoying cooking and cleaning a bit (crazy, i know!).

out & about

2007-04-02T23:11:00.000+03:00

the weather here has been rather marvelous. like 14- 16 degrees. celsius. which translates to high-fifties - low sixties. which is definitely spring weather. and in spring (and summer and fall) it's nice to be outside, and people don't call you crazy for walking. (when it's winter and cold outside, people give all sorts of funny looks. anyway .. )

walking. at the moment (for another week or two), the places i visit most often are a bit spread out. where i live to the office .. 30 minutes by bus or 50 minutes on foot. one teammate's place .. 30 minutes on foot. another teammate's place .. 60 minutes on foot. and it's nice weather, and i'm not generally pressed for time, so i've been enjoying walking. as i walked home today i did a bit of calculating.

60 minutes to language lesson (a bit past the office)
60 minutes home
30 minutes to second teammate's place (shortened because i rode a bus partway)
60 minutes home

these are approximate figures, and i'm not speed walking at these rates .. but that means that i was walking about 3.5 hours today. and my feet and legs aren't even sore. apparently i've been doing a bit of walking so i'm in shape to do this. it's nice. to be outside. to breathe fresh air. to use my body. to observe spring and people and buses and practice sounding out romanian words. to
process events of the day. to pray for those i pass, for the places i walk through, for the emotions i see in the eyes of some i pass, praising God for the beauty of what He has created. pretty good times. maybe i'm not "accomplishing much" during my walks. but they feel right and 'useful' to me. and maybe it's more about the process than the product.

random quotes!!

2007-03-25T20:56:00.000+03:00

so, i have this cool sister.

she can do all sorts of amazing things. one of which happens to be writing programs. (which happens to be what she's doing for a living at the moment.) and she wrote a program to show a random quote. meaning .. i have a post with lots of quotes that i like, and now whenever you open this page you'll get to see one of those quotes. i think it's fun. it makes me happy. (especially since there's absolutely no way i'd be able to do it on my own!)

thanks, larq! (and if you're interested, she has a blog with various computer stuff. for geeks? nerds? geniuses? and i do mean that in the kindest way possible!)

smiles today

2007-03-24T17:35:00.001+02:00

one thing that has become more integral to my life in the past six months has been enjoying simple pleasures. taking delight in small things. searching for beauty. savoring life and vitality when and where i see them. so i'm taking time to share a few things that made me smile today.

-- the gentle sound of raindrops on the hood of my raincoat as i walked to our office

-- a young boy with super-curly light brown hair and a smile under his umbrella

-- a girl (high school? college?) with bright green rain boots on -- green with a giraffe (or duck?) painted on the outside of each boot

-- being told i must have been born in alaska since i actually enjoy cool (some might say cold!) weather

-- a piece of a cappuccino chocolate bar

-- walking home, and for one small section there is a short wall beside the sidewalk, where i walk whenever i have the chance, even though it's a bit 'odd'

-- more space on the sidewalks because of the rain and people staying inside

-- knowing how to judge the speed of cars so that i can slow down just enough that they pass me without hitting me and then i can walk right behind them (maybe sounds dangerous? it's rather normal over here and doesn't really feel dangerous to me anymore .. which might not be all that healthy?)

-- a long drink of yummy water after walking up the hill to the office

relationship tree

2007-03-15T10:50:00.000+02:00

last saturday we did art with our kids. the theme this month is relationships, so the project for art was to create a physical representation of our relationships. we had a variety of materials to use, including popsicle sticks and a glue gun (which most of the kids used).

this task was overwhelming to me. because of the life i've been privileged to live, i know many people. and it's important to me to stay in touch -- sometimes that just means a monthly update, but it also means prayer, phone calls, emails, letters, and missing people. so i asked God how i could do a tree that was honest and actually able to hold most of the people i know. and this is what came to mind. a many layered tree, with each layer being a portion of those i know (family, people from my college, people who i work with, places i have some relationship with, etc.). i really like the symbolism of that .. that my "tree" (or self) is full because of those i have known and do know.

a friend of mine says "the quality and content of our lives depends on the quality and content of our relationships with God, others, ourselves, and the environment." we are largely defined and changed by our relationships, and it's important to name them -- to realize who are important people and places and ideas. the symbol that each of us has a 'tree' or is a 'tree' is also quite nice. a growing, changing, being which goes through seasons and produces fruit or blossoms or thorns. having roots and leaves, presence in today and yesterday and hope for tomorrow. by the grace of God. i've been amazed at how i have some friends who i don't speak with that often, but when we do speak our relationship is stronger than before -- somehow God keeps growing us together.

most of the kids were able to write names of most of those they know. and in 6th or 8th grade, most people don't have a large circle of acquaintances -- family, schoolmates, neighbors, and people from activities. it was strange to see that contrast between their trees and mine. i wrote initials because it didn't seem like there would be room for names. (and i keep thinking of new people to add .. i'm not sure it will ever be 'finished'.) it means i have more people to miss, among other things .. but i somehow believe that God isn't done yet. with life comes more opportunities to know others, to know and be known, to love and be loved, and to see God reflected in beautiful unique ways in those we are privileged to know.