(un)settled

so, i've been in romania for almost two weeks now. and i'm beginning to feel a little bit settled. the layout of iasi is nothing like what i'm used to. the roads curve different directions and there are no mountains to tell me which way is north. but -- today i rode a bus and knew where it was coming from, where it was going, and what it passed. so the map in my brain is getting less fuzzy, which is exciting. because i have been so unsettled recently, i've been (re)discovering things i value -- knowing where i am physically in space, my own space, deep conversations. mostly these and others have come to mind because i haven't had them. but my roots are getting enough nourishment to grow now, so i just get to be patient.

about a week ago, i wrote various words in my journal about how i was feeling. and most of them are still true at one point or another each day. (the last two months or so have been marked by my fluctuating emotions -- strange since i usually am even keeled and readily able to find things to smile about.) the words are ... overwhelmed - excitement - frustration - sadness - (un)prepared - fear - impatience - unbalanced - joy - rightness - wonder - anxiety - carried - readiness - heavy - sure - out of place - uneasy - aware - questions - missing - exhausted - hungry - lonliness.

on the more practical side of things, i've been told people wonder what i'm actually doing. getting settled is a big piece. walking around the city until things are familiar and i have a guess where to go when i need fresh fruit, batteries, water, cash, notebooks... looking at signs and being glad when i know a word or two. and -- language is my main focus. so i meet with a language helper three times a week for about two hours and we do various projects. i prepare before and then review what we did (and listen to the recordings i made) afterwords. as i fall asleep at night, i've been having random phrases or words in romanian wander around in my brain. which is exciting -- that i'm remembering some. but not so good for calming down and sleeping. on a good note, though -- i've been sleeping between 8 and 10 hours a night, which is recommended for intense language learning. and gives me emotional energy to face the challenges each day brings.