remembering

my Christmas was restful. refreshing. humorous. real. enjoyable.

i got to be myself again. under stress humans change. it's a proven fact. so i got to have a week with little stress and little responsibility and familiarity -- and it gave me a chance to remember. like the fact that i can be funny. (it's hard to be humorous in another culture.) that i enjoy and know how to have deep conversations. that i can throw a frisbee pretty far. that kids playground equipment in a park isn't just for kids. that i can grasp a whole sermon and pay attention the whole time. that americans (and my family) show love in ways that make sense and feel right. that marshmallows with hot chocolate is tasty. that being dependent is a hard challenge -- but a worthwhile one, both personally and spiritually.

rest is good. we need it. work and play. not just work. not just play. seriousness and humor. balance of things which 'shouldn't' go together. after a week which was so soothing and comfortable, it was hard to want to return here. to this space which is not soothing or comfortable. at least not yet. but i'm here. and have energy to continue being here. being present here. seeking to remember who i am and also to learn who i am -- and to be aware that God is constant and here and knows both who i am and who i am becoming.